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I've been finding so much drawing paper in my room during all this cleaning, it's absolutely bonkers. I'm talking like... at least two unused sketchbooks, and then two more that have a few things in them. And there's probably more than that floating around. I should do something with that. If I had any artist friends nearby, I would just hand them over, but I am not paying postage to mail paper to somebody. No. SO... time for some fooling around.

I remembered the shrimp method, which is mostly just common-sense stuff in the form of "draw the thing from reference until you understand how to draw it". But what I really like about this silly little tutorial is that first you draw what you think the thing looks like, and then after you teach yourself how to actually draw it, you compare your final drawing to the first. (And then laugh at it, probably.) Sounds fun. And potentially hilarious. Except I'd probably do it with, like, an octopus instead of shrimp. Or maybe fantail goldfish, because they're one of the things I default to doodling anyway.

Anyway... it would give me something new to do while I'm cooped up inside. It's too cold to go out and do anything, so I can't use one of my main ways to kill time (walking outside, or on the treadmill in the garage). And since I still don't feel much like writing anything, well. Y'know.

I can't get over how fucking FREEZING it is here. Aughhhh.

☆ Looks like I've come down with a cold. Oh, goody. I wish I knew which motherfucker passed these germs to me. Grumble, grumble, grumble.

☆ Seems I'm going to be doing Yuletide Exchange this year, even though I thought I wouldn't. I was jotting down some fic ideas, and it turned out to be enough for a letter, so... why not! But aside from signups, I'm not going to worry about it much until ToT is over.

☆ Inktober starts tomorrow! *_* I have a pad of cheap scratch paper... somewhere... which I will be using for this. Going to try to mostly draw OCs, but if I get frustrated with that, I might just default to drawing objects again. (And knowing me, that'll mostly be coffee mugs). Since I'm going to be doing it in ballpoint on scraps, I'll hopefully be able to relax and have fun with it, and not take it too seriously.

☆ State of the Long Smutfic: just started the 15th handwritten page. Oh dear. Estimate is that it'll finish at 20. I'm going to hate revising this story so, so much. (But it'll be worth it.)

Writing poetry is fun, but it sure doesn't do much to help the CampNaNo wordcount. Heh. Oh, well. I finished a bunch of things this weekend, and worked on some other things, and I'm feeling pretty good about it, even if at the same time I feel like I hardly wrote anything.

I discovered that there's a small space inside the town's community centre that's perfect for just chilling. It's farther back than I usually go, and it has pretty big tables, and really good lighting, and it's kind of quiet because it isn't close to the library entrance. I think I might take to going there to sit and sketch, maybe. Write. Or whatever. Did that for a bit yesterday, and it was nice. I took my sketchpad down with me, the one that was really cheap, so I don't feel uncomfortable about using it, and I scribbled for a little while there. Mostly messy crap, but it felt good. I did manage to do one scannable sketch of Vesa*, which is great because now I can get Kiraly to draw him for me.

Maybe next time, I'll take my coloured pencils and some random objects, and draw those. Drawing things is more fun than drawing people, and it's even better when it's in weird colours, like I did with these. I have a lot of packages of Prismas where I wore down all of the colours that I actually use, and was left with lots of weird-ass shit like light orange and magenta and neon green, so it's nice to find a use for those colours. No idea what I'll take with me for drawing when I do this, though. ...Hah, maybe I'll just draw my lunch before I eat it, that'd do.

I'm thinking about adding fic prompts to my Night on Fic Mountain signup/letter. I'm in a weird space where I like fic, but I don't feel like prompting for it. I'll have to think of something. Maybe just a general likes list would be enough? (General likes, then canon/pairing-specific general likes...) Ehhh I'll figure something out.

I planned to do so many things this evening, but I was so, so tired when I came home. Ugh...

And yet, it isn't as if I didn't do anything. So, I'm going to do that thing where I list all the things that I did, so that I can rub my own face in it and say "HAH, YOU WERE ACTUALLY PRODUCTIVE!"

( Like so )

It isn't really that much, but it's at least Something. It's more than I get done on some days, at least.

But ughhh I just. I don't know. I was planning to type up fic this evening, but. [/rubs eyes] OH WELL. Going to be an early night tonight, I think.

On a completely unrelated note, I've been thinking about drawing. I've been thinking about drawing a lot. And I kind of - well, I want to draw my OCs. Both the fandom ones and not. But drawing always makes me feel so... stressed and anxious and high-strung. I guess it's because, I like the idea of drawing, but whenever I actually do it, it isn't very enjoyable, and nothing ever looks right.

Contrast that with writing, which is sometimes really hard, but even when it's really difficult, I have fun doing it, and most of the time I'm satisfied with the result.

Yeahhh, I don't know. Maybe I'll... just... pull out some crayons and slap down some ideas so that I can at least get used to the way it feels to be putting things on a page. No reason to feel stressed out about it if I'm not "actually drawing" - if I'm just fooling around, it doesn't matter, right? Ugh, I used to draw all the time when I was a kid, and I kind of wish I'd never stopped. But I stopped when it wasn't fun any more, so... there we are, I guess.

...Anyway. Enough of that. Shower, then bed. Urghhh, I'm sooo tiiired....

Going to dump a backup for my SSSSona info here, just because the SSSS forum can be difficult to navigate, and I'd like to have everything in one place. I don't want to misplace this stuff, just in case I do more with it. It'll also make things easier to add to it if I keep it here.

I'm not accustomed to a project that is so self-indgulgent.

( Tl;dr character bio stuff and 2 drawings under cut )
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( Tarot information )
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( Other things )

Haven't been writing as much in the last week or so as I usually would. I would say it's due to being distracted by fandom, but that isn't exactly it. Actually, I've been working on a drawing, and it's been taking up every single extra moment I have.

Man. Now I remember why I don't draw. It's such a timesink. And I don't really enjoy the drawing part; it's the colouring that I like. Thankfully, that's the part I've been working on for the last few days. I've been having fun with it, but man... I am going to be so glad when this thing is finished.

My brain is all over the place and I've been listening to 2008's Eurovision entries on repeat and... man, that year had some super cracktastic songs. (And some good ones. Finland's entry, holy shit) -- I actually have a lot of thoughts about that year's entries, but jotting stuff down during lunch hour is probably not a good time. Anyway....

It's been damp and foggy out lately. Not exactly my favourite kind of weather. I don't mind a bit of chill, but damp is another thing. Blech. Do not want.

☆ Did a massive friends-cut today. As of late I have been looking at my list and thinking "I don't know some of these people at all, do I?" There are a lot of people that I never really spoke to much. So, I decided to remedy that a bit. No hard feelings, okay? I know a lot of people have been renaming or moving journals lately, so if I removed you in error, just remind me who you used to be, and I'll add you again.

☆ I have been really satisfied with this new writing project of mine. The journal I post my drabbles to is completely private (except for an index and one entry with anonmeme-related writing). I can unlock something to show friends, but then I lock it right after that. It feels good knowing that I can write something and it doesn't have to be good, and I don't have to show it to anybody unless I want to, and I can control who sees it. Maybe that is a no-brainer, but it's not really something I seriously considered before. I used to just put everything in my journal, where everyone could see it - or I would not show it to anyone at all.

☆ The thing is, I'm actually quite self-conscious about my writing - at least, the stuff that is very quick, very short, and very unpolished. I love writing, but there is always the feeling that it needs to be properly finished before I can put it up anywhere, before I can show it to anyone, even friends. I don't want to be like that any more. Finishing things is great, but I need to teach myself that it's okay to do "sketches" and never finish them! This is something that I never fully learned, I guess, so I need to learn it and understand it.

☆ It's a horrible problem I have with drawing, too - if I don't finish everything, if I don't have every single page of my sketchbook completely finished, then this voice in the back of my mind says that none of it is "good", none of it is "presentable", and that I shouldn't bother. Sketches were always seen as a waste of paper and a waste of time. That's why I have so many issues with drawing, why I can't do it, I think. So, I need to learn it that way, too. I hope I'll get comfortable enough that I'll be able to just sketch away and not care - I think that's a better way to learn and enjoy it; far better than agonising over everything.

☆ It feels silly to be thinking about it so in-depth. But it just -- it feels really good, realising that actually, yes, I can write or draw something that is not good and is something that I never intend to finish, and that it's okay to do that.

There are a pair of drunks hanging about in the foyer. I'm not sure if they are people who live in this building who have just forgotten their keys, or if they are just some random slosh'd dudes. Regardless, I'm not about to go and find out who they are or what they're doing here.

Been having issues recently with the heating in my apartment, again. It's been too damn hot. I have no idea what's going on here. Last night I swear it felt like it was 20C in the apartment. Like it was summer or something. Well, this afternoon I'd had enough, and turned off one of the radiators. For most of the day it was okay, and now it's pretty okay, but we'll see how things go. I'm getting sick of all this. :|

Yesterday I tried to do some drawing, for the first time in ages. It went okay, got a couple sketches done. The problem came in when I tried to scan it; the scanner wouldn't pick up my pencil. So I inked it, since I planned to computer-colour it anyway. And man, I remember now why I decided to stop inking things, and switched to doing graphite and coloured pencil work only. Inking puts a cramp in my hand somethin' awful. Certainly doesn't help with my current condition. Well, when it comes to feeling stiff and hurting today, I've nobody to blame but myself.

But aside from the inking, I'm happy enough with it I guess. Sure, it's just portraits, but I do like drawing faces. It's maybe the only thing I like drawing. And I did resolve to try drawing more, at least something rather than nothing at all. Might as well be faces. I need to practise how to do expressions anyway; that's something I never really learned. I think it's partly because, y'know, back in the day when I actually did draw, I wanted everything I drew to look good, so I held back from exaggeration and different types of stylization. I wanted my sketchbook to be "presentable", and I hated "wasting paper". Well... maybe sometimes it isn't a waste. With that in mind, I should probably get a new sketchbook, maybe one made from cheaper paper or something, because I've a feeling that otherwise I'll hold back, not wanting to "ruin" my "presentable" one. Pfft.

Aside from that, I haven't done much this weekend. Just some roleplaying. I did enjoy it, though, so that's all good. It's so weird, though. Even after all this time I still haven't really adjusted to LJ-comment format play. But I am getting used to it, somewhat. Decided to change the way I format things as well, make it easier... but that's all just mechanic stuff. Regardless, I'm starting to have fun with it again, though playing Estonia still gives me a lot of trouble. He's a hard one. But if I keep at it, then I'll have kept my goal of playing one thread per account per week for a whole month. That's twelve threads, some of them very long. That's pretty impressive, considering I used to only play like... a couple times a month, period.

And now, to try to sleep. In the morning I'm going to be heading out to get some medical stuff done (related to the hand, again). Fun, fun.
... Aside from that, I really should figure out where the bottle depot is. Hmm. The bag I've been putting my soda cans in is starting to get full. Sure, I won't get much money back if I take them in, but it'll make me feel better and -- well, I'm not one to turn up my nose at a dollar or two.