(no subject)
Jan. 25th, 2025 07:49 amMan, I really gotta' make some new internet friends. There are so many people who don't respond to my messages any more and it's a total bummer.
That might need to wait until I clear a few things off my plate. But, yeah. Definitely.
I also wonder if it's partially a problem with Discord. Like, if it's not notifying people that I'm messaging them. That would be the kindest possibility. But. I dunno'.
That might need to wait until I clear a few things off my plate. But, yeah. Definitely.
I also wonder if it's partially a problem with Discord. Like, if it's not notifying people that I'm messaging them. That would be the kindest possibility. But. I dunno'.
(no subject)
Jul. 31st, 2024 10:26 amI am so sick of EVERYTHING. :(
I just want to hang out and read books and go geocaching and have fun, but I'm stuck inside jobsearching and doing math homework (which is 500% worse than the accounting homework for my previous classes. I ENJOYED my accounting homework.)
I don't know what circle of hell jobsearching is, but it's sure one of them. All the bullshit and mind games and inadequacy and craptastic communication. And having to beg for something that's essential for existence. It's fucking degrading, honestly.
I just want to hang out and read books and go geocaching and have fun, but I'm stuck inside jobsearching and doing math homework (which is 500% worse than the accounting homework for my previous classes. I ENJOYED my accounting homework.)
I don't know what circle of hell jobsearching is, but it's sure one of them. All the bullshit and mind games and inadequacy and craptastic communication. And having to beg for something that's essential for existence. It's fucking degrading, honestly.
(no subject)
Jun. 24th, 2024 12:44 pmUgh.
I just don't feel good today. My mood is in the tank.
I didn't want to get out of bed today, but I did it, because I had to go to the dentist. And the appointment was okay, but since my work insurance was terminated, I only have my own supplementary insurance, so I had to pay for part of it. That is a big bill that I wasn't anticipating, along with all the other big bills that I was anticipating. I can pay it, but still, this sucks.
And then I read an article about the increase in employers using TFWs, including for admin jobs. And I was like "Why the hell would you need to hire a TFW for an admin job", because that sort of position should be very easy to fill (with certain exceptions - I can see it being more difficult for things like, remote sites with FIFO positions). But then I read on, and it clarified that a lot of employers like TFWs because of ~stability~. But by "stability", what they actually mean is that the worker's position in Canada is tied to their employment by that particular company. If the employer treats them badly, or even if the worker just doesn't like that particular job or doesn't get along with their coworkers, they can't quit, because it would mean losing their visa. Obviously this isn't the situation with Canadian citizens - a lot of us do stay in positions even if it's not going great because jobsearching sucks and it can be hard to find something better, but if it's going horribly you can quit. Or you can jobsearch while employed and then leave for something else. Someone who's here on a work visa can't do that.
So it's an absolute crap situation. Because like, some employers who use TFWs are OK, and I can see that there would be some positions that are legitimately hard to fill locally. It depends on the industry - I remember my previous workplace preferred to hire Canadians, but during the busy season we'd fill some positions with TFWs because the sheer amount of skilled tradesmen we needed could not be found locally. But I would not be surprised if there are a lot of companies out there that are opting to employ TFWs because they're easier to exploit.
Plus there are a lot of positions where it's like - you know, maybe more Canadians would be willing to work for you if you paid better. I'm thinking mainly of stuff like grocery stores and whatnot; I liked working at Extra Foods, but they don't pay a decent wage and they don't give health/dental benefits. (But, ugh, the way things are going, I might end up having to go back to them for a while....)
...Anyway. This sucks. Everything sucks. I haven't done any jobsearching today and the thought of doing it makes me feel really deflated. Finding something is hard enough, and the thought that it might be even harder because employers are making shitty decisions is just making this worse. I'm just so sick of this.
I just don't feel good today. My mood is in the tank.
I didn't want to get out of bed today, but I did it, because I had to go to the dentist. And the appointment was okay, but since my work insurance was terminated, I only have my own supplementary insurance, so I had to pay for part of it. That is a big bill that I wasn't anticipating, along with all the other big bills that I was anticipating. I can pay it, but still, this sucks.
And then I read an article about the increase in employers using TFWs, including for admin jobs. And I was like "Why the hell would you need to hire a TFW for an admin job", because that sort of position should be very easy to fill (with certain exceptions - I can see it being more difficult for things like, remote sites with FIFO positions). But then I read on, and it clarified that a lot of employers like TFWs because of ~stability~. But by "stability", what they actually mean is that the worker's position in Canada is tied to their employment by that particular company. If the employer treats them badly, or even if the worker just doesn't like that particular job or doesn't get along with their coworkers, they can't quit, because it would mean losing their visa. Obviously this isn't the situation with Canadian citizens - a lot of us do stay in positions even if it's not going great because jobsearching sucks and it can be hard to find something better, but if it's going horribly you can quit. Or you can jobsearch while employed and then leave for something else. Someone who's here on a work visa can't do that.
So it's an absolute crap situation. Because like, some employers who use TFWs are OK, and I can see that there would be some positions that are legitimately hard to fill locally. It depends on the industry - I remember my previous workplace preferred to hire Canadians, but during the busy season we'd fill some positions with TFWs because the sheer amount of skilled tradesmen we needed could not be found locally. But I would not be surprised if there are a lot of companies out there that are opting to employ TFWs because they're easier to exploit.
Plus there are a lot of positions where it's like - you know, maybe more Canadians would be willing to work for you if you paid better. I'm thinking mainly of stuff like grocery stores and whatnot; I liked working at Extra Foods, but they don't pay a decent wage and they don't give health/dental benefits. (But, ugh, the way things are going, I might end up having to go back to them for a while....)
...Anyway. This sucks. Everything sucks. I haven't done any jobsearching today and the thought of doing it makes me feel really deflated. Finding something is hard enough, and the thought that it might be even harder because employers are making shitty decisions is just making this worse. I'm just so sick of this.
(no subject)
Jun. 12th, 2024 08:50 pmHad a weird experience with a random stranger today. I didn't handle it well. To be fair, the situation was very weird. But I probably could have/should have approached it better.
Then again, I find myself wondering if this feeling is due to that societal pressure to be ~polite~ at all costs even when approached by some weird jackass. I dunno.
Then again, I find myself wondering if this feeling is due to that societal pressure to be ~polite~ at all costs even when approached by some weird jackass. I dunno.
(no subject)
Mar. 26th, 2024 08:23 pmI'm tired, I'm cold, and I miss Tik. Whine, whine, whine.
I should write him some letters or something. Though the motivation to get up and get out my writing things is... lacking. At the moment.
It's too bad s2 of Good Omens isn't on disc yet. I'd love to rewatch it. Though obviously the optimal scenario would (rather than on the tv) be to watch it in bed, on a laptop, with company.
I should write him some letters or something. Though the motivation to get up and get out my writing things is... lacking. At the moment.
It's too bad s2 of Good Omens isn't on disc yet. I'd love to rewatch it. Though obviously the optimal scenario would (rather than on the tv) be to watch it in bed, on a laptop, with company.
(no subject)
Mar. 25th, 2024 02:10 pmI've been feeling so unhappy lately. I'm doing my best, but there's only so much one can do in situations like this. I have plans for the future, but everything hinges on getting a suitable job, which is something that I only have so much control over. I'm doing my best - but with so many people out of work, it's hard.
I keep feeling like "What is wrong with me? Why doesn't anybody want to hire me?" And I know that's not it, I know that doesn't make any sense, and it's not personal. Still sucks, though.
I keep feeling like "What is wrong with me? Why doesn't anybody want to hire me?" And I know that's not it, I know that doesn't make any sense, and it's not personal. Still sucks, though.
(no subject)
Feb. 21st, 2024 04:54 pmWish I could go out into the woods and scream.
Everything is exhausting. And exasperating.
I feel like there are so many things I need to do, and no time to do them. Which is ridiculous, because I have more time than I typically would have. I have no idea where the time is going. But that's part of the problem, isn't it - losing time is a Symptom. Being unable to account for where it goes is a Symptom. Etc.
I'm so annoyed with absolutely everything right now, including myself.
Everything is exhausting. And exasperating.
I feel like there are so many things I need to do, and no time to do them. Which is ridiculous, because I have more time than I typically would have. I have no idea where the time is going. But that's part of the problem, isn't it - losing time is a Symptom. Being unable to account for where it goes is a Symptom. Etc.
I'm so annoyed with absolutely everything right now, including myself.
The premier of Alberta has announced upcoming restrictive policies re: schools and health care for trans youth. [via CBC]
(Begin excerpt)
(End excerpt)
Apparently Danielle Smith and the UCP think they know better than the Alberta Medical Association, which has released a statement about this.
(Begin statement)
(End statement)
I'm very angry and very stressed out and I don't really think I can say anything coherent about all this. This shit is going to get kids killed.
Pride YMM has also released a statement about it. There's a meeting coming up soon, and I expect we'll be discussing the whole thing, figuring out some things to do.
(Begin statement)
(End statement)
I'm just so tired.
Excerpt from the CBC article listing the proposed measures
(Begin excerpt)
In a seven-minute video posted to social media Wednesday afternoon, Smith announced that her United Conservative Party government will implement a slate of new policies and guidelines relating to transgender young people and other children and youth.
Among the measures:
- Top and bottom surgeries will be banned for minors aged 17 and under. Doctors say bottom surgeries aren't performed on youth and top surgeries are rare.
- Puberty blockers and hormone therapies for gender affirmation will not be permitted for children aged 15 and under.
- Youths aged 16 and 17 will be permitted to start hormone therapies for gender affirmation "as long as they are deemed mature enough" and have parental, physician and psychologist approval.
- Parental notification and consent will be required for a school to alter the name or pronouns of any child under age 15. Students who are 16 or 17 won't need permission but schools will need to let their parents know first.
- Parents will have to "opt-in" their children every time a teacher plans to teach about gender identity, sexual orientation or sexuality. Alberta law currently requires parental notification and gives them the option to opt students out.
- All third-party teaching materials on gender identity, sexual orientation or sexuality will need to be approved in advance by the education ministry.
- Transgender women will be banned from competing in women's sports leagues.
Smith said the government will work with leagues to set up coed or gender-neutral divisions for sports.
(End excerpt)
Apparently Danielle Smith and the UCP think they know better than the Alberta Medical Association, which has released a statement about this.
Copy of statement from the AMA Section of Pediatrics
(Begin statement)
Statement from the AMA Section of Pediatrics on gender-affirming treatments
February 1, 2024
Medical practices are a safe place for children, youth and families to explore options around gender-affirming treatments. This is a medical decision and no one should be involved except the child, their parents if the child is not a mature minor, the physician (pediatrician or family/rural physician) and other health care team members. The doctor-patient relationship is inviolable and sacrosanct. Full stop.
We know that transgender youth have higher rates of mental health issues and suicidality because of the stigma attached to their status. The mental health of these children and youth will be markedly worse when denied care. These new medical restrictions single them out and reinforce stigma. This will add to the current and future burden of mental health issues on a system that is already inadequate to meet the needs of the population.
As for treatments, the effects of puberty-blocking agents are not irreversible; and once treatment stops, puberty goes forward. Treatment allows the patient time to determine their options without permanent effects. Puberty blocking actually has benefits for gender-divergent patients by preventing development of mature secondary sex characteristics so that, later in life, the most invasive gender-affirming surgery may not be necessary if the patient moves forward with gender-affirming care. Bottom surgery in Canada is already limited to patients over 18 years.
Requiring a private registry of physicians to provide gender-affirming care has the feel of surveillance, to which we object. It is an unnecessary bureaucratic process given the current existence of effective referral processes and networks.
Children and youth have the right to the appropriate medical care, at the appropriate time, and this should not be denied to them. We urge the Premier, in the strongest terms, to reconsider these proposed changes for care of transgender youth.
(End statement)
I'm very angry and very stressed out and I don't really think I can say anything coherent about all this. This shit is going to get kids killed.
Pride YMM has also released a statement about it. There's a meeting coming up soon, and I expect we'll be discussing the whole thing, figuring out some things to do.
Copy of Pride YMM's statement
(Begin statement)
Pride YMM Official Statement
Proposed UCP Policies Concerning Transgender and Gender-Diverse Youth in Alberta
(Wood Buffalo, AB) On Wednesday, January 31, 2024, Alberta Premiere Danielle Smith announced the new UCP policies banning medical treatments for transgender minors, restricting the ability of transgender female athletes to participate in women's sports, requiring parental consent to be taught curriculum about gender identity, human sexuality and sexual orientation in school, and states that if a student wants to change their name and pronouns in school, parental notification will be required.
These policies operate under the assumption that all children are safe and protected at home, which we know is not the case, especially not for many transgender and gender diverse youth.
Pride YMM opposes the UCP's harmful and transphobic policies, and urges the government to create policies in consultation with the expertise of the medical community, educators, and the transgender community. A collaborative, evidence-based approach is urgently required in order to protect trans and gender diverse youth, and protect their access to safe schools and life-affirming healthcare resources.
Pride YMM's priority is to protect and support transgender, non-binary, and gender nonconforming youth. We also work closely to support local schools and educators in their professional obligations to ensure safe and caring schools. These policies pose a direct threat to the safety and autonomy of transgender and gender diverse youth. In addition to politicizing the identities of some of our most vulnerable population, these policies also misrepresent the status of trans healthcare access in Alberta and undermine the need for thorough consultation with those most impacted. For example:
- Youth aged 16 and under could previously receive HRT with parental permission, meaning that this policy actually reduces parents’ ability to choose;
- No teachers or teachers’ unions were consulted in the creation of these policies, and the ATA does not support them;
- Surgeries on trans youth are non-existing in our province, indicating that the ban was created in order to police and politicize trans and gender diverse people, not protect them;
- No doctors were consulted in the creation of these policies, and they are not supported by health science.
Although queer youth are 14 times more at risk of suicide than heterosexual cisgender youth, studies show that queer youth with at least one accepting adult were 40% less likely to report a suicide attempt in the past year, and the risk of suicide decreases by 93% with strong family support. For many, teachers are a safe person they can confide in, and school/the GSA might be the only place they feel comfortable being themselves. Removing that safe space and adult from their lives has proven dire consequences:
Transgender and gender diverse individuals face stigmatization from family members and peers, placing this group at high risk of adverse outcomes including suicidality, substance abuse, and compromised mental health. In the 2021 Census, 100,815 people reported being transgender or non-binary in Canada, approximately 0.33% of the country’s population.
Queer youth report lower levels of parental closeness and elevated rates of parental abuse, and homelessness. Transgender youth also report elevated rates of child abuse compared to cisgender peers.
Queer youth are overrepresented in the homeless youth population in Canada; it has been estimated that 25-40% of homeless youth identify as queer, meanwhile only 5-10% of the general population does. This is a direct consequence of them being outed (either voluntarily or forcibly) to their family, as one of the main causes for young people leaving home or for being kicked out of the house is family conflict due to abuse, homophobia and transphobia. Queer youth are more likely to report family and intimate partner violence, poor mental health, and substance use than cis-hetero youth. Trans and gender non-conforming youth are more likely to be experiencing current, rather than past, family violence.
Over the previous 2 decades, stigma around identifying as a sexual minority has reduced; however, the risk of poor mental health and of suicidality remains high among sexual minority youth. Every year, an average of five hundred Canadian youth take their own life. Approximately half of queer youth have thought about suicide, and they are over four times more likely to attempt suicide than their non-queer peers.
Pride YMM encourages the 2SLGBTQIA+ community and allies to write or call their MLA to express their concern and outrage. Trans Rights YEG has created a Trans Rights Letter Campaign which is available online: https://bit.ly/transrights2024.
We offer our solidarity and full support to fellow 2SLGBTQIA+ advocacy groups such as Egale Canada and Skipping Stone Foundation, who have released a joint statement expressing that they will pursue legal action if Alberta moves ahead with implementation of these changes.
(End statement)
I'm just so tired.
(no subject)
Jan. 31st, 2024 05:08 pmSometimes, things are very frustrating.
There are a whole lot of problems going on - both personal and country-wide - and on the whole, I feel bad for complaining. Because even if I'm having difficulties, I am in a much better position than many, many other people. So it feels like just whining, because the situation could be so much worse.
And of course there is no quick fix for anything, so in the time in between working to improve things, there's sometimes long stretches of time where there's not much to do except mope about it. And talk to people. But see above.
Ah, well.
There are a whole lot of problems going on - both personal and country-wide - and on the whole, I feel bad for complaining. Because even if I'm having difficulties, I am in a much better position than many, many other people. So it feels like just whining, because the situation could be so much worse.
And of course there is no quick fix for anything, so in the time in between working to improve things, there's sometimes long stretches of time where there's not much to do except mope about it. And talk to people. But see above.
Ah, well.
(no subject)
Nov. 19th, 2023 10:41 amMan. There are these people who have all the cash in the world, full right up to the top with dough, and they use that money to be absolute shit to people.
I'm like, "You COULD be using that to do something fun" - but apparently their idea of "fun" is hanging around on the internet being assholes and using their money to make the world worse in various ways.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here pinching pennies. Bloody hell.
(I'm fine, just. Augh. Been working out next month's budget and feeling mad about it, especially after hearing about how BS is still up to her, well, BS. Though obviously that is only one example of such a person.)
I'm like, "You COULD be using that to do something fun" - but apparently their idea of "fun" is hanging around on the internet being assholes and using their money to make the world worse in various ways.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here pinching pennies. Bloody hell.
(I'm fine, just. Augh. Been working out next month's budget and feeling mad about it, especially after hearing about how BS is still up to her, well, BS. Though obviously that is only one example of such a person.)
(no subject)
Nov. 2nd, 2023 04:35 pmMy physio appointment was today, but I don't feel like I have any more information than I did before.
I went in, received the treatment with the heat and the gel and the ultrasound, and then the person giving me the treatment (? the... nurse? or a different physiotherapist than the one I saw last time??) was like "Okay, you're done! :)" - and that was it. There wasn't any information about whether I need to keep doing the exercises the physiotherapist gave me last time I was there, and there weren't any questions about how the injury was doing, and there wasn't any opportunity for me to ask questions about what I should do next and when I will be able to resume normal activity.
Thing is, last time, the guy from my first appointment talked as if I was going to see him in two weeks and we were going to discuss those things. And like... the only physio appointments I've ever had were these two, the previous and this one. So, I don't know what's normal. And I don't know what to do next.
And I feel pretty stupid, because I could have just asked. "Okay, what next?" And if she wasn't able to tell me, or if it's too early to give definite information, she would have said so. If I had asked. But I was so confused that I just... didn't ask.
I do have another appointment next week, so I can ask "what next?" then. But I'm kicking myself for not having the brains to open my damn mouth. I feel so stupid.
And like. I wonder if I should make a doctor appointment instead. And if so, should that be with my normal doctor? Or the doctor in the off-hours clinic that I went to? I don't know. I guess I'll go to my next physio appointment and decide this after, depending on how that goes, whether I should. Probably my normal doctor would make the most sense. And I'll also have to check with my supervisor and see whether I can use sick time for medical appointments, or whether it'll have to come out of my vacation time. Normally I try to save sick time in case of emergency, but since it's almost the end of the year, I guess I don't mind using it, if I'm allowed to.
I just feel really shitty and stupid over this, even though it isn't really a huge deal. And I wish I knew when I could start exercising again. I don't like being inactive. So... I'm going to do what I can with the bodyweight exercises over the next few days, and I'm going to continue the exercises that the physiotherapist assigned me, and hopefully at my next appointment I will be able to get more information. Otherwise... ugh.
Anyway. I went to get a coffee afterward; Brandon was working today. He's involved with Pride YMM, so I saw him at the meeting a few days ago, but it was nice to see him again - the cafe's been closed recently, so I haven't been encountering him much. He's just a really nice and friendly person, so it's great to talk with him, even if it's a very brief exchange while I wait for my drink. ...That was the highlight of my day, and I feel kind of pathetic for it, but it's just that I feel so bad about the other stuff that I guess this small thing is great in comparison.
I went in, received the treatment with the heat and the gel and the ultrasound, and then the person giving me the treatment (? the... nurse? or a different physiotherapist than the one I saw last time??) was like "Okay, you're done! :)" - and that was it. There wasn't any information about whether I need to keep doing the exercises the physiotherapist gave me last time I was there, and there weren't any questions about how the injury was doing, and there wasn't any opportunity for me to ask questions about what I should do next and when I will be able to resume normal activity.
Thing is, last time, the guy from my first appointment talked as if I was going to see him in two weeks and we were going to discuss those things. And like... the only physio appointments I've ever had were these two, the previous and this one. So, I don't know what's normal. And I don't know what to do next.
And I feel pretty stupid, because I could have just asked. "Okay, what next?" And if she wasn't able to tell me, or if it's too early to give definite information, she would have said so. If I had asked. But I was so confused that I just... didn't ask.
I do have another appointment next week, so I can ask "what next?" then. But I'm kicking myself for not having the brains to open my damn mouth. I feel so stupid.
And like. I wonder if I should make a doctor appointment instead. And if so, should that be with my normal doctor? Or the doctor in the off-hours clinic that I went to? I don't know. I guess I'll go to my next physio appointment and decide this after, depending on how that goes, whether I should. Probably my normal doctor would make the most sense. And I'll also have to check with my supervisor and see whether I can use sick time for medical appointments, or whether it'll have to come out of my vacation time. Normally I try to save sick time in case of emergency, but since it's almost the end of the year, I guess I don't mind using it, if I'm allowed to.
I just feel really shitty and stupid over this, even though it isn't really a huge deal. And I wish I knew when I could start exercising again. I don't like being inactive. So... I'm going to do what I can with the bodyweight exercises over the next few days, and I'm going to continue the exercises that the physiotherapist assigned me, and hopefully at my next appointment I will be able to get more information. Otherwise... ugh.
Anyway. I went to get a coffee afterward; Brandon was working today. He's involved with Pride YMM, so I saw him at the meeting a few days ago, but it was nice to see him again - the cafe's been closed recently, so I haven't been encountering him much. He's just a really nice and friendly person, so it's great to talk with him, even if it's a very brief exchange while I wait for my drink. ...That was the highlight of my day, and I feel kind of pathetic for it, but it's just that I feel so bad about the other stuff that I guess this small thing is great in comparison.
(no subject)
Oct. 10th, 2023 06:45 pm[/puts face in hands]
UGH.
I'm going completely out of my mind. This is expected, but terrible. Every little thing makes me think of him. I can't even cook supper without having him on my mind.
And we can't even have a normal conversation during the work week because time zones make it impossible.
We will manage - it isn't like either of us has a choice - but this sucks so much!
UGH.
I'm going completely out of my mind. This is expected, but terrible. Every little thing makes me think of him. I can't even cook supper without having him on my mind.
And we can't even have a normal conversation during the work week because time zones make it impossible.
We will manage - it isn't like either of us has a choice - but this sucks so much!
(no subject)
Aug. 29th, 2023 10:09 pmI am so fucking stressed, I swear to fuck
WHY. :(
I've been working on a project for my mom (she's putting together a family recipe book), and I keep waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares about all the formatting getting stripped and having to reformat all 160 pages of this thing. Aughhhh. :(
It would be nice to get, like, a proper night of sleep. Instead of whatever the hell this is.
Also, work is... slow. Because I currently don't have the access that I need in order to do stuff. I'd much rather be able to, like, do stuff. :(
:( :( :( :/
WHY. :(
I've been working on a project for my mom (she's putting together a family recipe book), and I keep waking up in the middle of the night with nightmares about all the formatting getting stripped and having to reformat all 160 pages of this thing. Aughhhh. :(
It would be nice to get, like, a proper night of sleep. Instead of whatever the hell this is.
Also, work is... slow. Because I currently don't have the access that I need in order to do stuff. I'd much rather be able to, like, do stuff. :(
:( :( :( :/
(no subject)
Aug. 20th, 2023 09:39 pmI think I've discovered why I've been so down in the dumps (aside from, you know, the general state of the world being plenty of reason to be down in the dumps).
I'm lonely. That's it. The people I want to spend time with live in far-flung places; I don't have any local friends. Unfortunately, this doesn't have an easy fix. I've been working on it, trying to meet local people who share my interests, but it's a long term project. And so far, no real success. In the meantime... well.
I guess in the meantime, it's just - writing little stories to make myself feel better, I guess. (And taking care of myself as good as I can, but yeah.)
It feels dumb to complain about something like this when so many people have more urgent problems. But unfortunately, it's... ugh. Very long-term project. I'm going to keep trying, but man, this shit is hard. It's always been hard, and it's always sucked, and will continue to suck for the foreseeable future.
I wish my friends lived closer to me.
I'm lonely. That's it. The people I want to spend time with live in far-flung places; I don't have any local friends. Unfortunately, this doesn't have an easy fix. I've been working on it, trying to meet local people who share my interests, but it's a long term project. And so far, no real success. In the meantime... well.
I guess in the meantime, it's just - writing little stories to make myself feel better, I guess. (And taking care of myself as good as I can, but yeah.)
It feels dumb to complain about something like this when so many people have more urgent problems. But unfortunately, it's... ugh. Very long-term project. I'm going to keep trying, but man, this shit is hard. It's always been hard, and it's always sucked, and will continue to suck for the foreseeable future.
I wish my friends lived closer to me.