Would you shatter? Would you?

[yuuago]

Going for long walks on cold autumn nights is so nice. It's something about the chill in the air and the movement, I think. And being the only one out there. Something like that.

It's hard to find time to concentrate on anything. Hard to read, hard to study. Studying also made difficult by lack of motivation... part of the problem with French is that I don't actually like it much as a language. It's neither audibly nor visually pleasing to me. I'm going to stick with it, just need to find time and peace and quiet and maybe a different way to study... I'm going to try making flashcards tomorrow, maybe that'll help, at least with remembering things.

Everything seems so slow and still, because nothing has changed. Still haven't been doing anything. Still don't have a job. I haven't gotten a single call back, and it's very upsetting.

Other things are upsetting, too. But I don't think I want to say much about that.

So tired. Not much else to say, anyway. Here, have some pretty music by a Canadian band. confictionary linked it to me, saying the song reminded her of Sweden/Finland. Well, perhaps, but now it makes me think of her, too.

Comments

[yuuago]

[/HUGS TOO]
It's fine. You don't have to say anything. <3 Thank you.

[mattyroh.livejournal.com]

*Hug* Hope everything get better soon, and hopefully you'll get a job in not too long.

Isn't there anything you like about French? I find that I get more motivation to work with German when I read a german book or watch a german movie that I like. Then I get all "I'm going to learn this language, now!"
Good luck anyway, I'm sure you're going to master it soon (c:

[yuuago]

Thank you dear. <3 I'm sure it won't be too long... it's just hard to stay optimistic.

As for French, there is not much that I do like about it... Though I do feel happy when I can look at something and understand what it's saying. This doesn't happen often, though, because my level of understanding is very, very, (very) low.
Maybe I will see if the library has any childrens' books in French. orz Unlikely in this part of the country, but who knows....

I guess I just have to keep working on it and not give up. \o/

[scrii.livejournal.com]

going on walks alone is nice, i agree! being alone with thoughts and just nature without anyone there to intrude is calming and strangely therapeutic.

again, good luck with french - i can't think of any useful motivators but perseverance is always good and when you've "finished" just remember you can then pick up another language that you do enjoy! (whatever you end up choosing haha) so there's something to look forward to? i am also jealous that you have such nice music groups up there.

i hope things in general clear up for you, though. job-searching is always difficult, don't lose heart!! onnea <3

[yuuago]

Yes! \o/ It's so good. Very chilly lately, though. Can't be doing that much.

Maybe if I bang my head against my textbook long enough I will start to understand it. (Well, maybe not) But you do have a point, I only have to stick with this until I finish everything in the book and listen through all the Pimsleur files. Then I'm freeeeee.

i am also jealous that you have such nice music groups up there.

It's nice to hear that, considering it seems like Canada's music is mostly known for being really bad. ;p

Anyway. I WILL TRY to stay optimistic about this whole employment thing (or lack of it). o3ob

[gluecookie.livejournal.com]

Just take it easy and it'll sort itself out... eventually! And yes walks in cold autumn nights are awesome. Thought it's not cold enough here in Germany for that...

[yuuago]

I'm sure it will! Just right now it seems like everything is the end of the world. [/emoemoemo]

Not that cold? Pff, I see. It has snowed here already, and there's frost every day, and I wish I could send the cold to someone else because it is way too early in the year for this nonsense.

[diplopod.livejournal.com]

Going for walks alone is nice. I dunno about the cold, but getting away from everyone else is definitely a good thing.

Good luck with French. Pfft, I don't like it either, it's an ugly language. :| Maybe you could find a way to reward yourself for studying to give yourself some motivation? Maybe spend some time studying what you want to for a while for every hour you spend on French? Ahh, but that would mean finding time to study in the first place... I dunno, man.

[yuuago]

[/dumps snow on you]

Buh, yeah. French is just... it doesn't sound nice to me. orz
Hmmm the studying thing, finding time is a problem. But maybe a similar rewards system would work, like for every 1/2 hour of studying, get to do 1/2 hour of something frivolous... or something.
Bah, I'll think on it, figure it out. \o/ Have to find a way to do something, anyway, so I can be finished with this nonsense.

[confictionery.livejournal.com]

lakdfjgh

[confictionery.livejournal.com]

ALSO I SECOND THE IDEA OF GETTING CHILDREN'S BOOKS lmao super lame confession, when I go to Europe I wanna get a couple kid's books in all the languages I can just so I can like idk develop a basic understanding...? So I mean, that might really help.

PLUS KID'S BOOKS ARE CUTE, look you can't tell me you wouldn't love If You Give A Mouse A Cookie in French it'd be too cute to dislike.

[yuuago]

I DON'T THINK THAT'S LAME AT ALL. Some kid's books are really awesome, and having one from the countries you've been to would be really cool.

I hope they'll actually have something at the library... To be honest I don't think they will, because there isn't much of a French-speaking population here, but who knows.

[noyadespate.livejournal.com]

Think of the language you want to study after French when you get tired of it! (Which should be Swedish, of course. Of course.)

I hope you'll feel better, with being upset and all. I've said it too many time, but you can always talk to me if you want. Man, if I was there I'd give you a hug.

[yuuago]

Oho, perhaps I will. (Says you!!! ... well okay yes, I'm still leaning toward Swedish)

Thanks, bro. MAN. It's just so ridiculous, all of it. 8|

[(Anonymous)]

Curious, but if you hate French so much why are you continuing with it? Learning it will simply prove you can, but in another year after you've learned it and been done with it, you'll just forget it because you don't like it and won't want to use it--unless legitimately you will be frequently using despite hating it, in which case I'm sorry because learning for that purpose sucks.

[yuuago]

It's mostly for dumb reasons, I guess.
I took so many years of it in school, but I never learned it properly because it wasn't taught well. So I didn't really learn anything, and it makes me angry that I don't know more than I do. So I want to fix that.

And if I want to learn a language, it makes sense to learn one that 1. I sort of kind of already know a little bit of (maybe) 2. is useful in this country.

The useful part is important... it's frustrating trying to learn things, because of the attitude around me, "You shouldn't waste your time with that unless it's something useful". French is a language I don't like, but I can use it. Maybe not much in this city, but other parts of Canada. And if I get even somewhat good at it then knowing it might help me get a job. It's not like learning Estonian. Estonian is beautiful, I like the way it sounds, but it is useless in Canada.

And French... ugh, I hate it so much, but I think I would hate it less if I understood it. And I guess I keep trying to do it in hope that eventually I'll figure it out and everything will be not quite so difficult.

[(Anonymous)]

Proving you can learn a language is one thing, and with one that has troubled you so it's understandable

I hope I didn't imply that any language you learn needs to be useful per se, but as you seem to hate French so much, unless it is fundamentally useful in more than just a 'well, it looks good and might help' way, you're just setting yourself up for some disappointment because the language isn't going to stick. Learning a language late in life makes it very difficult to maintain unless you frequently put it to use in some manner, especially as you seem to be struggling so much with this one. Estonian may be useless in Canada, but if personally you are constantly listening to the music, wanting to read articles, etc, you will have a much higher retention of the language because you will actively pursue things involved with it.

You might simply need to take a pause, try learning something else, and relax. Try to quit hating French so much and it will be easier, maybe find positive things you can associate with French, maybe not the language itself but either things about the country or people, etc, maybe see if you can find some music you do like. And is it really the sounds you hate, or do you perceive yourself as hating the way it sounds because as a language you should know but don't it bothers you? I found the languages I tend to hate most are the ones I'm expected to know by virtue of where I live; it sets up a bias that makes it difficult to appreciate a language on its own.

((Mostly playing devil's advocate here, not trying to discourage your studies as much as say you don't need to be so hard on yourself and that if you really want to learn some other language you will probably find it easier and more rewarding and then could later tackle french again))

[yuuago]

Man. I don't want to admit it but you're probably right. I have very little interest in anything related to the language so I probably wouldn't retain it (if I stopped with it)

A large part of what is preventing me from taking a break from it is I'm worried I'll forget everything. I didn't have access to my materials for about a month or so and when I got them back I had trouble remembering everything I'd gone through previously. It just doesn't stick unless I keep doing it.

The sound of it is unpleasant to me... it's all the round vowels, and I don't like how a lot of the time it sounds almost... ehhh. Nasal and kind of damp. And I don't like that half the letters in a word seem to disappear as soon as it's spoken. It makes spelling anything (or recognising spoken version of words that I know in text) kind of a pain.

I dunno. I realise you aren't trying to discourage me or anything. I'm just really frustrated. And part of what makes me want to keep sticking with it instead of trying something else, well. Someone already told me I'm wasting my time with this. The French, I mean. That it's pointless to learn a language, especially one that's not spoken in this part of the country. And I just felt so... it really hurt, because here I am trying to better myself, and then to be told I'm wasting my time... ugh, I don't know.

[(Anonymous)]

I think the month you weren't studying speaks to how difficult it will be to keep the language up. Without using it in your daily life you'll essentially always have to keep it up by reviewing to maintain some fluency.

It's not pointless to learn a language so much as it is to waste time when you hate it, won't maintain it (this is the biggie), and would enjoy learning another language, regardless of how others perceive its usefulness in your area--ignore them. That said, if you're really thinking you would feel a certain amount of satisfaction learning French, then you aren't wasting your time. It's your personal gain. But you would also be bettering yourself learning a language you appreciate like Estonian or Finnish (and hey, when you make it to Finland, wouldn't either of those prove more beneficial?) People are always asking me around here why I'm learning x-language when we live where y is common, but quite frankly I hate y and have no desire to stay here, so what's it matter. The language you want to learn is up to you unless your location dictates an absolute need for a particular one.

I think you just need to personally evaluate what accomplishments you will achieve by learning French, the reality of its usefulness, and if the same sense of accomplishments could be gained by learning another language that maybe isn't used in Canada but that you, personally, would find use for in the things you enjoy (friends you could chat with, music, etc). How you view the situation will also influence how you approach and enjoy learning the language. If you can't come up with a damn good reason for sticking with French, you're likely to just keep fighting with it until you give up and don't feel you're capable of learning another language and then you'd never get to what you do like.

And now I get off my logical reasoning chair to drink and play more video games. Seriously, best of luck with whatever language you do stick with for the time being! It's very, very hard, even when you have very sound reasons to learn a language.