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Aug. 23rd, 2019 06:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuagoIt's Pride Week, and I've been reading some Canadian LGBTQ-related books, and as usual when it comes to either of these things I just ended up feeling down.
So often it seems that the only solution to personal struggles related to this is "move to a bigger city". Move to Toronto. Move to Vancouver. Move to Saskatoon. Move to Edmonton. Fuck, no. I'm not going to do that.
But I can't deny that it's hard here. Fort Mac is a rough city. And it's a small city. The kind of place where even if people don't know your face, they know your name. And that makes it... difficult. Harder for people who are directly in the trades, to be sure. I'm lucky that I'm only trade-adjacent. But it's hard, even with the efforts that people have been making to increase visibility and connections and acceptance here.
That whole thing where... "If everybody knows you and/or your family, is it safe to be out?" That thing. What a pain in the ass. Not to mention that I have some very specific difficulties, which I won't get into here, that pose some additional challenges.
And it doesn't help that I'm in a much different position now than when I was younger. Man, I used to give so few fucks about other people knowing. Getting into pro-gay marriage arguments with other kids when I was 15 at summer school. And when I was in university down east, going to Pride meetings and sitting volunteer hours in the Pride centre. But now I have a job, and I live with my parents again, and... well. I have a rainbow pin on one of my weekend-only jackets, and even that feels like taking risks.
I looked at the list of events going on during Pride Week this year, and found myself thinking, "You know what, I don't want to go to any of these." The thought of hauling my ass into the car in the evening on a work night to drive all the way downtown in order to go to some event in some bar with a bunch of randos doesn't seem very appealing. But I wonder: if I only had to walk five minutes to do it, or if getting there by the bus didn't take an hour, would I go and do it anyway, just for the sake of showing up and being another body present as a gesture of support?
I went to the opening. And I'm going to go to the main event tomorrow even if the weather is bad. We don't have a parade here; it's more like a party in the town square. I went last year, and was bored out of my mind, and felt bad about that. Maybe I just wasn't in the right mood. But it's important to show up.
Ah, well. There's not much one can do except keep on keeping on, I guess.
So often it seems that the only solution to personal struggles related to this is "move to a bigger city". Move to Toronto. Move to Vancouver. Move to Saskatoon. Move to Edmonton. Fuck, no. I'm not going to do that.
But I can't deny that it's hard here. Fort Mac is a rough city. And it's a small city. The kind of place where even if people don't know your face, they know your name. And that makes it... difficult. Harder for people who are directly in the trades, to be sure. I'm lucky that I'm only trade-adjacent. But it's hard, even with the efforts that people have been making to increase visibility and connections and acceptance here.
That whole thing where... "If everybody knows you and/or your family, is it safe to be out?" That thing. What a pain in the ass. Not to mention that I have some very specific difficulties, which I won't get into here, that pose some additional challenges.
And it doesn't help that I'm in a much different position now than when I was younger. Man, I used to give so few fucks about other people knowing. Getting into pro-gay marriage arguments with other kids when I was 15 at summer school. And when I was in university down east, going to Pride meetings and sitting volunteer hours in the Pride centre. But now I have a job, and I live with my parents again, and... well. I have a rainbow pin on one of my weekend-only jackets, and even that feels like taking risks.
I looked at the list of events going on during Pride Week this year, and found myself thinking, "You know what, I don't want to go to any of these." The thought of hauling my ass into the car in the evening on a work night to drive all the way downtown in order to go to some event in some bar with a bunch of randos doesn't seem very appealing. But I wonder: if I only had to walk five minutes to do it, or if getting there by the bus didn't take an hour, would I go and do it anyway, just for the sake of showing up and being another body present as a gesture of support?
I went to the opening. And I'm going to go to the main event tomorrow even if the weather is bad. We don't have a parade here; it's more like a party in the town square. I went last year, and was bored out of my mind, and felt bad about that. Maybe I just wasn't in the right mood. But it's important to show up.
Ah, well. There's not much one can do except keep on keeping on, I guess.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.
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Date: 2019-08-24 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-24 03:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-25 08:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-25 03:38 pm (UTC)<3
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Date: 2019-08-25 09:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-25 03:38 pm (UTC)It just... IT SUCKS. Ah, well.