(no subject)

[yuuago]

ARGH

Every time someone approaches me about something that's even tangentially related to paganism/witchcraft/spirituality, I feel like my metaphorical tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. Even mythology/folklore talk makes me very nervous.

I'm just so used to not being able to bring myself to talk about this, and I end up panicking, I guess.

And in addition to that, I'm kind of at a stage of uncertainty with certain things right now - I'm exploring and examining and trying to figure things out and... Ah, well, sometimes I get the impression that people assume I know more than I do about, well, everything. (This is something I feel in other contexts as well, so...)

But freezing up when people want to talk to me about these things, or in fact anything, is STUPID. Because if someone approaches me in a friendly way, there's no reason to think that they will take something that I say negatively, even if I think that I sound like an idiot.

...Probably like 50% of all this is just my brain being fucked again, isn't it. Mental health garbage. ARGH. Though the other 50% is likely entirely reasonable caution about discussing things that I am not at all an authority on. So.

[/throws up hands] WELL. WHATEVER.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, y'know, it's okay to not feel ready to talk about certain things, now or ever. It sounds like one of those cliches that people just throw around but I 100% mean it here. Even if it doesn't feel like you have a justified reason to keep quiet, and even if you're approached in the nicest of ways. Maybe not everything is to be shared. Or maybe its time will come later. Religion/spirituality in particular is a sensitive topic for many people, for a variety of reasons. Please don't call yourself stupid over something so common.

And if you do want to connect to people on this level, and you feel your inability to share is an obstacle to this, maybe stick to asking them questions about their beliefs or traditions and see if you feel more comfortable as time passes?

LK

[yuuago]

Ehhh I do see what you're saying. But a lot of it relates to anxiety, and that's definitely the stupid part. Some degree of caution/quietness/care is justified, but the "PANIC, oh no, somebody is talking to me, I need to run and hide and PANIC" thing is 100% ridiculous, and comes up with any subject (not just this one), and I need to figure out ways to work around it.

[(Anonymous)]

I see. Yes, less panic would be good :)

One thing that has helped me to open up to some degree about some personal things writing an introduction for myself for a new forum. I tested different ways of referring to said things, and kinda the sweet spot of telling what I wanted and not more, at least with regard to certain things.

Another thing that has helped is following a handful of celebrities I like (of the nerdy/creative variety) and noticing how many times they get asked the same questions in a lot of interviews. Often, questions that are not very good or probably have boring answers. Or might be too personal. Still, their answers feels at the same time genuine, satisfying and appropriate. I figured these things MUST be prepared - no real life story is that neat. These creators soon realized that they'll need, for instance, a story of how they came up with their super famous story. They probably expanded and polished up the truth a little to make it look as best as possible. I've come to feel that communication usually forces us to create the appearance of certainty and neatness, but life and especially our inner lives rarely have that. So you learn to streamline, emphasize and edit, I suppose. Kind of like writing fic, I imagine? You're probably better at this than me :P

I don't know if any of this is helpful, I actually don't know what I'm talking about either. I just hope I don't end up making you feel uncomfortable.

LK

[(Anonymous)]

oops apparently I have a bunch of missing words. "One thing that has helped me to open up to some degree about some personal things IS writing an introduction for myself for a new forum. I tested different ways of referring to said things, and FOUND the sweet spot of telling what I wanted and not more"

It's past my bed time, so effing off for now. Good night!

LK

[yuuago]

Don't worry, you're not making me uncomfortable. ;p

HMM... There's some good points in there, I'll need to think about it.

AND ALSO one thing I should keep in mind (and kind of similar to what you said above) is... I don't need to reply right away! I can write something and then save it and then look at it later before I send it. That... sometimes helps. :Va Yeah.

[(Anonymous)]

This is the wrong post to really throw this comment in, but I'll do it aaanywaaay. Been checking these entries every now and then for a longer while, and I have to say that you've helped me to have a better approach to depression and anxiety. Little temporary solutions with physical activity and such, and it has been really nice to check this blog and get a reminder that there are ways to help yourself. Just need to get to doing it.

You seem like a really cool person, just saying. And your self-awareness and the way you approach your mind-boggles is comforting. I mean... Rational self-awareness+questionable mental health is the worst combination imaginable in some cases, but at least I feel less alone in the world. Cheers.

[yuuago]

Aw, nonny. :D Well, I'm glad to help, even in a small way. Sometimes it's useful to know that there are other people out there experiencing the same thing. Even though being aware of the problem won't make it go away, sometimes it does make it a little easier to deal with.

<3