(no subject)

[yuuago]

Envy is such a crappy feeling - both in the sense that it involves feeling bad, and also in the sense that it can be difficult to process in a productive way, depending on what the source is.

Sometimes it's easy. If I'm annoyed that someone whose writing I dislike is getting a lot of attention, I can just write some spitefic about the same characters or pairing, tailored directly to my tastes, and usually that takes care of everything (no matter if others like my story or not).

But other sources are not so easy to deal with. With some things, stuff that deals with serious issues, neutralizing the envy isn't so simple. Sometimes it's impossible to find a satisfying equivalent. Especially if it's a case where the envy manifests as less "Ugh, how dare you" but rather "I'm happy for you, but I wish I could have that too", with a side-helping of personal baggage and despair.

Augh. [/puts face in hands] This bites! I hate it! I don't like feeling this way. It's... annoying. It's really, really annoying. And unproductive, because if there were a way to fix everything and have what I want, I would do it, but I can't, so there's no use letting the thought boil until it sticks to the bottom of the pan (...so to speak).

I wish I could just turn myself off for a while. Like, shut down for a bit.

(Oh, wait, that's called sleep.)

Rrrgh, I guess I'll just... go for a run and see if some fresh air helps (and even if it doesn't, at least it's doing something rather than sitting here being pissy). And maybe I'll take a hot bath or something. That might be nice. Anything that'll distract, I guess.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs, if you want them*

I think everyone's been there at least once, and it sucks! Want to know my horror story with "I'm happy for you but also AUGH"? One time, I worked up the courage to confess to a close friend that I had a big crush on them. They didn't return my feelings, which was sad but I was prepared for, and was not going to let it affect our friendship. Except, two days later, they told me they hooked up with someone else, and this person is so awesome and they feel so good together, and I should know all about it!! - this, from a person who had never been in a relationship in the 6 years I've known them for.

...

The good part is I worked out really hard in the months following this, and was in a really good physical shape. However, I had to cut that friend out, because the weirdness of how it went was too much of a shock to handle graciously. I hated myself for not being able to be a good, supportive friend but I had to accept I hit a limit there, and exited the picture.

Anyway, even for less dramatic things (or more dramatic things?), I think distraction (via exercise and intellectual stuff and socializing if possible) and taking a bit of distance always helps.

LK

[(Anonymous)]

It's a horrible feeling. Also unfortunately something difficult to openly discuss. It's definitely something worth getting out of your system, because bottling it up will just make the whole issue much, much, much worse.. Turn that anger into fuel though and use it to stir the pot.

Screw the popularity contest. There's a lot of fish in the sea and you can choose to just ignore the bigger ones. They're not to everyone's taste and they don't need to be. People will appreciate your works for its flair and character. I enjoy reading your creations. But I never get around to commenting. Maybe I should? There are people out there who appreciate your stuff and just, well, you for being you.

Stay distracted!

[yuuago]

Thanks for the sympathy. :)

To be clear, this is definitely not about being envious over popularity/fiction/writing. This entry is about being envious due to stuff relating to some serious real-life problems that I prefer not to discuss. Which is what makes it hard; if it was about something trivial, then it would be a lot easier to handle. xD

Regarding commenting, it's something to do if you want to. Some people find it really encouraging and motivating to hear directly that others appreciate their work. I personally don't need it for motivation, though it's always nice to hear it. I'm glad that you enjoy my writing. <3

[yuuago]

[/hugs!]

Wow, that situation REALLY sounds awkward and frustrating. Can't say I blame you for distancing from that person, considering everything. :Va

Yeaaah, distraction via exercise is the best thing I've found that works (for this, and for other mental garbage). And fresh air. Preferably both at the same time.