(no subject)

[yuuago]

Envy is such a crappy feeling - both in the sense that it involves feeling bad, and also in the sense that it can be difficult to process in a productive way, depending on what the source is.

Sometimes it's easy. If I'm annoyed that someone whose writing I dislike is getting a lot of attention, I can just write some spitefic about the same characters or pairing, tailored directly to my tastes, and usually that takes care of everything (no matter if others like my story or not).

But other sources are not so easy to deal with. With some things, stuff that deals with serious issues, neutralizing the envy isn't so simple. Sometimes it's impossible to find a satisfying equivalent. Especially if it's a case where the envy manifests as less "Ugh, how dare you" but rather "I'm happy for you, but I wish I could have that too", with a side-helping of personal baggage and despair.

Augh. [/puts face in hands] This bites! I hate it! I don't like feeling this way. It's... annoying. It's really, really annoying. And unproductive, because if there were a way to fix everything and have what I want, I would do it, but I can't, so there's no use letting the thought boil until it sticks to the bottom of the pan (...so to speak).

I wish I could just turn myself off for a while. Like, shut down for a bit.

(Oh, wait, that's called sleep.)

Rrrgh, I guess I'll just... go for a run and see if some fresh air helps (and even if it doesn't, at least it's doing something rather than sitting here being pissy). And maybe I'll take a hot bath or something. That might be nice. Anything that'll distract, I guess.