Note to self
Feb. 11th, 2017 03:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuagoI want to talk a little bit about why I've decided I've absolutely had it with my family, and why I've decided to start the process toward leaving.
On Christmas Eve, two Ghanaian men crossed the border from the United States into Canada. They were trying to get to Winnipeg as refugees. They could not extend their stay in the USA, and were afraid of being sent back to Ghana; one had fled from Ghana because his sexual orientation is illegal there. The weather conditions were horrible, and both of them suffered such severe frostbite that their fingers had to be amputated. [Details: Jan 05, Jan 11, Feb 02]
I overheard my parents talking about this. They said... many awful things. They said that this was ridiculous and that these men were entitled idiots. They suggested that it served them right if they did lose their hands (at the time of the discussion, it wasn't certain). My mother laughed. I didn't hear the rest because that is when I put my earphones on.
I can't live with people who think this way.
I've recently come to accept that the relationship between my parents and I is emotionally abusive. The conditions that I exist under are neither normal nor acceptable, but somehow it was easy to deal with that before, maybe because it's all I've ever known. And I don't have any social safety net aside from these people; I don't have any friends or other family, and that has made me afraid of leaving. But this was the breaking point. I can't live with people who think such horrible things. It's unacceptable that they view other human beings this way, human beings who did not hurt anybody, and who were trying to come to our country because they were afraid of being sent back to somewhere that they'd fled from.
"Entitled idiots". Did my parents honestly think that someone would try to attempt this crossing on foot if it wasn't a last resort?
I have learned more about the importance of compassion and kindness from Terry Pratchett and other authors than I have ever learned from my parents. In fact I don't know if I've ever heard them talking about those things. Maybe they discussed it when I was very small, I don't know. If they did, I don't remember that conversation.
I'm very glad that my parents don't have more power than the average person. It means that they might think evil things, but they can't act on those evil thoughts. And as far as I know, they aren't politically active, even in the smallest sense - they've never mentioned writing to MLAs or signing petitions, for example. They just vote. So even if I just do what I can, then at least politically, I can try to do some good in the world to make up for their awful views. My representatives won't be hearing from them; they'll be hearing from me.
I just can't stay here. I need to get out. So I'm going to get out. I can't change my parents; their views are so extreme that even if I were the most articulate speaker in the world, there is nothing I could do to bring them around. They care more about money than people, and they think of people as things. So I need to look out for myself, and I need to do what I can to make up for them.
In summary:
-These people don't deserve my love, my time, my trust, or my respect.
-Therefore, I need to get out. In order to do that, I need to obtain (in this order): A driver's license, a car, and an apartment. And a spine, but I'm working on that, too.
-Political activity needs to start now. I can't be physically involved as long as I'm living with them, but I can get involved by writing, possibly calling, and being involved in organizations (I'll be looking into Amnesty International because of the work they're doing with regards to Indigenous people in Canada. I'm not sure what else. Time to research).
-I'm posting this so that I'll be able to easily remind myself of why I decided that I need to leave. I can't forget about it, and I can't become complacent.
I need to remember this. It's very important. I deserve better.
On Christmas Eve, two Ghanaian men crossed the border from the United States into Canada. They were trying to get to Winnipeg as refugees. They could not extend their stay in the USA, and were afraid of being sent back to Ghana; one had fled from Ghana because his sexual orientation is illegal there. The weather conditions were horrible, and both of them suffered such severe frostbite that their fingers had to be amputated. [Details: Jan 05, Jan 11, Feb 02]
I overheard my parents talking about this. They said... many awful things. They said that this was ridiculous and that these men were entitled idiots. They suggested that it served them right if they did lose their hands (at the time of the discussion, it wasn't certain). My mother laughed. I didn't hear the rest because that is when I put my earphones on.
I can't live with people who think this way.
I've recently come to accept that the relationship between my parents and I is emotionally abusive. The conditions that I exist under are neither normal nor acceptable, but somehow it was easy to deal with that before, maybe because it's all I've ever known. And I don't have any social safety net aside from these people; I don't have any friends or other family, and that has made me afraid of leaving. But this was the breaking point. I can't live with people who think such horrible things. It's unacceptable that they view other human beings this way, human beings who did not hurt anybody, and who were trying to come to our country because they were afraid of being sent back to somewhere that they'd fled from.
"Entitled idiots". Did my parents honestly think that someone would try to attempt this crossing on foot if it wasn't a last resort?
I have learned more about the importance of compassion and kindness from Terry Pratchett and other authors than I have ever learned from my parents. In fact I don't know if I've ever heard them talking about those things. Maybe they discussed it when I was very small, I don't know. If they did, I don't remember that conversation.
I'm very glad that my parents don't have more power than the average person. It means that they might think evil things, but they can't act on those evil thoughts. And as far as I know, they aren't politically active, even in the smallest sense - they've never mentioned writing to MLAs or signing petitions, for example. They just vote. So even if I just do what I can, then at least politically, I can try to do some good in the world to make up for their awful views. My representatives won't be hearing from them; they'll be hearing from me.
I just can't stay here. I need to get out. So I'm going to get out. I can't change my parents; their views are so extreme that even if I were the most articulate speaker in the world, there is nothing I could do to bring them around. They care more about money than people, and they think of people as things. So I need to look out for myself, and I need to do what I can to make up for them.
In summary:
-These people don't deserve my love, my time, my trust, or my respect.
-Therefore, I need to get out. In order to do that, I need to obtain (in this order): A driver's license, a car, and an apartment. And a spine, but I'm working on that, too.
-Political activity needs to start now. I can't be physically involved as long as I'm living with them, but I can get involved by writing, possibly calling, and being involved in organizations (I'll be looking into Amnesty International because of the work they're doing with regards to Indigenous people in Canada. I'm not sure what else. Time to research).
-I'm posting this so that I'll be able to easily remind myself of why I decided that I need to leave. I can't forget about it, and I can't become complacent.
I need to remember this. It's very important. I deserve better.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 01:44 am (UTC)I am glad that you wrote this, so as you say, you can remember how important this is. It sounds like getting out will be a real help for you. I am wishing you the absolute best in this endeavor! *lots and lots of hugs*
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 01:44 am (UTC)Seriously, leave when you'll have the possibility, Yuu. You deserve better. You deserve SO MUCH better !
*Lot of hugs*
Mélusine
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 04:53 am (UTC)(But ahhh yeah I've heard some worrying things about your election... hopefully the least horrible option will come out on top?)
I'll do my best. <3
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 01:56 pm (UTC)I know that what I'm suggesting may sounds frightening. I'm perfectly aware of that. But when I see one of my amazing friends exhausting himself because his current place of life is toxic for him, I can't avoid being worried and wishing better. Put distance between you and the toxic persons/situations, Yuu. Maybe not an ocean (Hmmm, sometimes I'm sure it's a very prudent distance, an ocean...) but please, consider the idea of moving more far than a dozen of kilometers. Don't stay there only because of your job. Maybe, and I believe it, you're only at the edge of a big change in your life, for a better life <3 And maybe it will involve making more steps into the void...
Until the changes will happen, you know you can rely on your friends *Hugs* I'll be there, and Kiraly and the others I don't know too, for you, if and when you could need to rest your head on our shoulders.
Mélusine
no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 04:47 am (UTC)[/Hugs!]
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 04:19 am (UTC)And I'd echo Mélu's offer, except my country is currently a place that people will risk losing fingers in order to leave. (That story is breaking my heart, I hope they didn't lose their hands!) So...obviously not your best option. But the sentiment still stands.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 04:58 am (UTC)Unfortunately, those men lost most of the digits on their hands. But the hospital in Winnipeg was able to save their feet. These are not the only people who have been attempting border crossings; I've heard that many more have tried it, including people with children. And many of these were not even from countries on the ban list. I've heard it's almost in the triple digits by now, though I haven't looked at articles yet to confirm. That's why it's so important for Canada to get rid of the Safe Third Country agreement - the USA isn't a safe country any more, or at least these people are afraid enough to try to get to Canada on foot in extreme weather, which is pretty telling. I really, really hope these people will be allowed to stay.
Argh, sorry for the political rant. I just have a lot of feelings right now.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 01:24 pm (UTC)In brighter news, last I heard the ban is going to keep getting struck down (because it's hella unconstitutional) but there are still plenty of reasons people might prefer Canada. (Even though I know things are far from perfect north of the border, of course, it's just...ugh. There's a f*cking child in charge down here, and that's the kindest way to say it).
...And now I've gone on a political rant, sorry! Suffice to say, I completely understand your reasons for wanting to get out of your current living situation, and I hope you're able to as soon as possible.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 02:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 02:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 04:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-12 05:51 pm (UTC)LK
no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 04:50 am (UTC)Finding motivation is the hardest part, I think.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 04:39 am (UTC)"I overheard my parents talking about this. They said... many awful things. They said that this was ridiculous and that these men were entitled idiots. They suggested that it served them right if they did lose their hands (at the time of the discussion, it wasn't certain). My mother laughed. I didn't hear the rest because that is when I put my earphones on."
Whaaaatt... "entitled idiots"? What those two men went through was a lot. do your parents know how hurtful that is?
Emotionally abusive. That's heartbreaking. If you don't mind me asking, what are things that your parents hold dear?
"I have learned more about the importance of compassion and kindness from Terry Pratchett and other authors than I have ever learned from my parents. In fact I don't know if I've ever heard them talking about those things. Maybe they discussed it when I was very small, I don't know. If they did, I don't remember that conversation."
We need compassion, kindness, and peacemaking more than ever.
Sometimes I think it'd be nice if Freaky Friday switches were possible--that should help install empathy by literally walking in the other person's shoes.
no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 04:53 am (UTC)I dunno. Money?
Sorry, that's kind of flippant, but like, I really don't know what's important to them.
Oh, well. I'll get out of here eventually. <3 It's just going to take work.