![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuagoI suppose I've been quiet lately. Not commenting as much as I should. Sorry about that. I'm still around, just feeling distracted.
Distracted even though I haven't been doing much of anything. That's weird. But it makes sense, in a way. A lot of my time lately is taken up by helping mum with household stuff, and helping with the dogsitting. Frustrating, and neither of us like it much. The dogs, I mean. I keep trying to persuade her to make my brother either find another dogsitter, or have him get rid of them, but she won't budge. She could cause him to get rid of them, too. She owns the property he rents; could change things so that pets aren't allowed. He can't afford to live anywhere else; he'd have to sell them off. But, no dice.
I will be honest: though I've applied around at some places, I have not been looking for a job with as much dedication as I should. With mum still recovering from that heart attack, I can't do it in good conscience, not yet. She can't do much lifting, the dogs are ill-behaved and an absolute handful even when one is feeling well, her medication makes her feel tired all the time, and everyday household tasks are probably much more difficult for her than she lets on. Someone needs to be around to help her with all of that. And... well. Guess that someone is me. I'll give it a few weeks more, maybe a bit longer than that, before I start looking with 200% effort.
It's very frustrating, because she doesn't realize my intention, and I can't explain. If I did try to explain, she'd take it as making excuses out of laziness, then state she's feeling perfectly fine, and that I need to go get a job. As it is, she says some very unkind things. Gah, but it's only a couple weeks more, I'm sure. Guess I can just Deal With It until then.
On a much more interesting and much lighter note, I managed to go downtown today, and (unexpectedly) picked up some books. I normally don't buy books in person, because they're less expensive online, but... well. No matter. The first is a graphic novel; Scott Chantler's Two Generals, which takes place during WWII. The art style looks familiar but I can't place the author's name. Anyhow, lately I've been good at resisting new books, especially expensive ones, but this one looked so good that I couldn't resist. Nice art and a beautiful cover besides, and... well, the author is Canadian, and it's written from a Canadian perspective, and that's the kind of thing that really attracts me. So.
The second book, though... An edition of Beowulf. In Old English. It's very, very heavily glossed (verso is the text, while recto is completely glosses) but hooo boy. Uh. Whether I will be able to read it is questionable. On the other hand, it's very possible that once I get rolling, I'll get the hang of it. ... Still. Considering I haven't read Beowulf in a few years, and I've never studied Old English, and I haven't read anything in even Middle English in a good while... this should be challenging. But, well. It was only two dollars. :V
I think my desire to attempt to read it in Old English is tangentially related to an internal conflict I have been having lately. That conflict relates to Middle English. See, I've been considering giving up with struggling to learn unfamiliar languages (and giving up very quickly every time I try) and instead concentrate on learning Middle English, which I do know somewhat. I don't need to "study" it in the traditional sense of learning vocabulary and grammar rules and blah blah blah; I can already read it. So, it would just be a matter of reading things in the original texts to grow and improve. Sounds good.
On the other hand, it feels like cheating. Middle English (unlike Old English) is still very much English. Yes, many of the words are different, and sometimes the letters used are not the same, and the spelling is all out of whack and occasionally the sentence structure is much different. But a skilled speaker of modern English can sit down with Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and get through it very well, if they have the desire and patience to do so. So, to say "I'll learn another language" and then say "I'll learn Middle English" sounds to me like an absolute cop-out.
This all comes back again to one of my insecurities: I am very conscious of the fact that I'm monolingual, and I hate it. It makes me feel... inadequate. Ill-educated. At least in comparison to my friends, I mean, as many of them speak two languages well, and possibly a third not-very-well. So I keep pressing myself to learn things, but with the lack of time and good working environment for it, it certainly is difficult. And with my lack of aptitude for languages, well, that isn't any help either. It's utterly frustrating. I feel I should be able to learn something, but things get in the way. And then to consider "cheating" by learning a version of a language I already speak, a version which is no longer used by anyone except medievalists, it's... Not good.
I don't think I would feel the same way about other "dead" languages. Certainly not Latin or ancient Greek. ... Possibly Old English. What bothers me about "learning" Middle English is the fact that it doesn't require study. That's what makes it feel like such a cop-out.
Then again, I really shouldn't be angsting about only knowing one language, should I. It's a very silly thing to be upset about and feel inadequate about. And with regard to Middle English... well, I intended to read those books anyway, as I genuinely enjoy medieval literature. I just hadn't intended to focus on it from a language perspective much; I only intended to read those texts for the stories. Not much would be changing, really.
Distracted even though I haven't been doing much of anything. That's weird. But it makes sense, in a way. A lot of my time lately is taken up by helping mum with household stuff, and helping with the dogsitting. Frustrating, and neither of us like it much. The dogs, I mean. I keep trying to persuade her to make my brother either find another dogsitter, or have him get rid of them, but she won't budge. She could cause him to get rid of them, too. She owns the property he rents; could change things so that pets aren't allowed. He can't afford to live anywhere else; he'd have to sell them off. But, no dice.
I will be honest: though I've applied around at some places, I have not been looking for a job with as much dedication as I should. With mum still recovering from that heart attack, I can't do it in good conscience, not yet. She can't do much lifting, the dogs are ill-behaved and an absolute handful even when one is feeling well, her medication makes her feel tired all the time, and everyday household tasks are probably much more difficult for her than she lets on. Someone needs to be around to help her with all of that. And... well. Guess that someone is me. I'll give it a few weeks more, maybe a bit longer than that, before I start looking with 200% effort.
It's very frustrating, because she doesn't realize my intention, and I can't explain. If I did try to explain, she'd take it as making excuses out of laziness, then state she's feeling perfectly fine, and that I need to go get a job. As it is, she says some very unkind things. Gah, but it's only a couple weeks more, I'm sure. Guess I can just Deal With It until then.
On a much more interesting and much lighter note, I managed to go downtown today, and (unexpectedly) picked up some books. I normally don't buy books in person, because they're less expensive online, but... well. No matter. The first is a graphic novel; Scott Chantler's Two Generals, which takes place during WWII. The art style looks familiar but I can't place the author's name. Anyhow, lately I've been good at resisting new books, especially expensive ones, but this one looked so good that I couldn't resist. Nice art and a beautiful cover besides, and... well, the author is Canadian, and it's written from a Canadian perspective, and that's the kind of thing that really attracts me. So.
The second book, though... An edition of Beowulf. In Old English. It's very, very heavily glossed (verso is the text, while recto is completely glosses) but hooo boy. Uh. Whether I will be able to read it is questionable. On the other hand, it's very possible that once I get rolling, I'll get the hang of it. ... Still. Considering I haven't read Beowulf in a few years, and I've never studied Old English, and I haven't read anything in even Middle English in a good while... this should be challenging. But, well. It was only two dollars. :V
I think my desire to attempt to read it in Old English is tangentially related to an internal conflict I have been having lately. That conflict relates to Middle English. See, I've been considering giving up with struggling to learn unfamiliar languages (and giving up very quickly every time I try) and instead concentrate on learning Middle English, which I do know somewhat. I don't need to "study" it in the traditional sense of learning vocabulary and grammar rules and blah blah blah; I can already read it. So, it would just be a matter of reading things in the original texts to grow and improve. Sounds good.
On the other hand, it feels like cheating. Middle English (unlike Old English) is still very much English. Yes, many of the words are different, and sometimes the letters used are not the same, and the spelling is all out of whack and occasionally the sentence structure is much different. But a skilled speaker of modern English can sit down with Chaucer's Canterbury Tales and get through it very well, if they have the desire and patience to do so. So, to say "I'll learn another language" and then say "I'll learn Middle English" sounds to me like an absolute cop-out.
This all comes back again to one of my insecurities: I am very conscious of the fact that I'm monolingual, and I hate it. It makes me feel... inadequate. Ill-educated. At least in comparison to my friends, I mean, as many of them speak two languages well, and possibly a third not-very-well. So I keep pressing myself to learn things, but with the lack of time and good working environment for it, it certainly is difficult. And with my lack of aptitude for languages, well, that isn't any help either. It's utterly frustrating. I feel I should be able to learn something, but things get in the way. And then to consider "cheating" by learning a version of a language I already speak, a version which is no longer used by anyone except medievalists, it's... Not good.
I don't think I would feel the same way about other "dead" languages. Certainly not Latin or ancient Greek. ... Possibly Old English. What bothers me about "learning" Middle English is the fact that it doesn't require study. That's what makes it feel like such a cop-out.
Then again, I really shouldn't be angsting about only knowing one language, should I. It's a very silly thing to be upset about and feel inadequate about. And with regard to Middle English... well, I intended to read those books anyway, as I genuinely enjoy medieval literature. I just hadn't intended to focus on it from a language perspective much; I only intended to read those texts for the stories. Not much would be changing, really.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-04-22 07:20 am (UTC)Well, unfortunately, I'm totally ignorant when it comes to Middle English, but I have a lot to do with Old East Slavic, which is to Russian what Middle English is to English, and I agree that it's not really a different language, just different stages of development (in both cases). But it's still an interesting and quite useful thing to learn, imo! Although its usefulness is not that evident and pales in comparison with what knowing foreign languages can bring, I think it really helps to penetrate your own language deeper and see it as a ever-changing construct, not a static system.
...Um, at least that's how it worked for me. *dusts off her soapbox*
And sorry to hear those weeks has been tough. I hope it gets better for you soon.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-24 04:57 pm (UTC)Re: the usefulness of Middle English... now that I'm not involved in academics any more, usefulness is questionable. ;p Useful on a personal level, if I feel the desire to read those old stories? Yes. For anything else? No. And that's part of what bothers me... I think.
Then again, you're probably right that learning Middle English might help me come to a different (though not necessarily better) understanding of Modern English. (Or perhaps it will just make me better at reading Netspeak, because reading Middle English is quite similar to that in many ways, pffff)
And ah, thank you. I think things will get better soon, it's just a matter of holding on until then. \o/
no subject
Date: 2011-04-22 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-24 05:00 pm (UTC)I think maybe what I will try to do is just... read things, and see how I feel from there, whether I want to penetrate Middle English deeper (... that sounds Questionable, but you know what I mean). Because gods know I still have plenty of books with good stories that I haven't read yet. (I've been meaning to read The Weddynge of Syr Gawen and Dame Ragnell for ages, but no time.)
Old English might be, uh, a bit more of a challenge. I'm starting to wonder if I'm crazy for even wanting to attempt it. :Va On the other hand it isn't as if the book was much money and it is very heavily glossed and I already know the story and -- but then again I probably won't really be able to read it -- HOKUTO HELP I'M STARTING TO DOUBT MYSELF
no subject
Date: 2011-04-24 08:48 pm (UTC)