:｡･:*☆ PSA and some talk about Writing

[yuuago]

☆ Did a massive friends-cut today. As of late I have been looking at my list and thinking "I don't know some of these people at all, do I?" There are a lot of people that I never really spoke to much. So, I decided to remedy that a bit. No hard feelings, okay? I know a lot of people have been renaming or moving journals lately, so if I removed you in error, just remind me who you used to be, and I'll add you again.

☆ I have been really satisfied with this new writing project of mine. The journal I post my drabbles to is completely private (except for an index and one entry with anonmeme-related writing). I can unlock something to show friends, but then I lock it right after that. It feels good knowing that I can write something and it doesn't have to be good, and I don't have to show it to anybody unless I want to, and I can control who sees it. Maybe that is a no-brainer, but it's not really something I seriously considered before. I used to just put everything in my journal, where everyone could see it - or I would not show it to anyone at all.

☆ The thing is, I'm actually quite self-conscious about my writing - at least, the stuff that is very quick, very short, and very unpolished. I love writing, but there is always the feeling that it needs to be properly finished before I can put it up anywhere, before I can show it to anyone, even friends. I don't want to be like that any more. Finishing things is great, but I need to teach myself that it's okay to do "sketches" and never finish them! This is something that I never fully learned, I guess, so I need to learn it and understand it.

☆ It's a horrible problem I have with drawing, too - if I don't finish everything, if I don't have every single page of my sketchbook completely finished, then this voice in the back of my mind says that none of it is "good", none of it is "presentable", and that I shouldn't bother. Sketches were always seen as a waste of paper and a waste of time. That's why I have so many issues with drawing, why I can't do it, I think. So, I need to learn it that way, too. I hope I'll get comfortable enough that I'll be able to just sketch away and not care - I think that's a better way to learn and enjoy it; far better than agonising over everything.

☆ It feels silly to be thinking about it so in-depth. But it just -- it feels really good, realising that actually, yes, I can write or draw something that is not good and is something that I never intend to finish, and that it's okay to do that.

Comments

[cher-arlequin.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, are you me? I have the same problem with unfinished writing and sketching. I have all these notebooks and sketchbooks lying around empty because I feel like I can't put anything in them unless I know it'll a) be finished, and b) be polished enough to be presentable.

[yuuago]

I guess I am you! Argh, it's so frustrating. I have all this stuff for drawing, and I feel like I can't use it if I won't do something good with it. BUT I... hope that I'll eventually be able to shake this. It's okay if it's not finished. Really!

[cher-arlequin.livejournal.com]

You can do it, Yuu! I believe in you!

[mimes.livejournal.com]

i checked your profile to see how many people you cut and now I see that it's all moomin-ified! snufkinnn ;3;

having a private art/writing/whatever-creative-endeavor-you-choose-to-purse feels good doesn't it? really, getting out of the whole mindset that everything you do MUST be good is incredibly liberating
it's funny, I actually never had a problem with what you're describing here, but then again, I'm much too lazy to finish anything and I'm much too shy to post what I do where people will see it so it's not like I had any incentive l-lol ( 　ﾟ,_ゝﾟ)

[yuuago]

I cut over 60 people. Feels strange, man.
And ahhh yes Snufkinnnn ;3; I have been crazy in love with Moomins as of late. Been watching a zillion episodes of the cartoon and now I'm waiting for volume 5 of the comics to come to me in the mail, askdjfk.

Anyway. It feel SO GOOD. So good, to realise it doesn't have to be finished and doesn't have to be good. I CAN WRITE STUFF THAT SUCKS AND NOT BE ASHAMED.

I think that whole... problem, it comes from when I used to draw all the time. And people kept taking my sketchbook and looking through it. And if there was stuff in there that wasn't finished or wasn't good, I got really embarrassed. So I got really anal about everything, and everything had to be finished, good enough to put ink on it, good enough to have full colour, hell, a background too, and done well, because there was a guarantee that people would take my book from me and look at it. And I got so obsessed with that, that I ended up never drawing any more, because nothing turned out well. Mannn.
And then I guess it transferred into writing, "there's no point in doing it if you're not going to do it well", that feeling.

Geeze. (屮ಠДಠ)屮彡 ┻━┻

[mimes.livejournal.com]

I've only ever cut dead journals before, I think. can't really manage any friend cut other than that OTL

YEAH and it's private so it really doesn't matter!

well think of it this way
's called a sketchbook for a reason, not a portfolio ;3; I'd say it's better to get out all the bad drawings in your system out in there than fighting with yourself when you're trying to draw something that matters! and blahblah you can't do something well if you don't do it not-well first and so on and so on. nowadays it's not like anyone's going to be breaknig into your house to look through your sketchbooks right? I've never really had people take away my sketchbook because if it isn't in my hands (AND I WILL FIGHT FOR IT TO STAY IN MY HANDS) then it's hidden in an oh so secret hiding spot hohoho and I don't let people look through it sooo.........

[yuuago]

Ngl, normally I wouldn't, and I was really hesitant to do this one. But man, it was just too many people, some of them people I hardly talk to at all, so... the boot, they get it.

I know I know orz. And intellectually, I know that. But part of me still goes WTF R U DOIN, sigh. But I'm working on it!

And thank gods nobody is gonna' be stealing my sketchbook any more. :| My parents know better than to expect me to have one around, now; they know I don't draw any more.

I never could get away with hiding anything, orz

[yuuago]

Ahaha, no, no need to worry about that! We haven't been friends for very long, so we haven't really had much chance to get to know each other yet. Most of the people I've cut have been on my flist for a long time, over a year in some cases, but we never talk at all.

[sleepywaltz.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, I was so certain I was going to be cut since I'm a pretty lousy commenter. So thank you!

Ugh I'm the same way with sketchbooks and notebooks. I also have this thing where I absolutely can't use the first page in case the first thing I do isn't something that will turn out perfect. I guess I can just type on the computer, but that doesn't feel right for some reason...

[yuuago]

Ahaha, no, no. Maybe we don't talk much, but I do remember who you are.
With a shorter list it'll be easier to keep up with things, so I'll probably be getting better at commenting, myself.

Anyway, yes, I have that problem too. Moreso with sketchbooks because - as I've mentioned in other responses in this entry - people tend to grab them and look through them D: Urghhhh

[minninen.livejournal.com]

Oh man you should see my sketchbooks, they're really awful. I think that like... 5% of the stuff there would be counted as finished, others are just messy sketches and at worst there are pages with just few sketchy lines and some keywords for me to remember some idea or something.

[yuuago]

I should let myself be influenced by you, then. At least a bit.
I don't even know what's up with me, man.

[minninen.livejournal.com]

I just draw and sketch whatever I want whenever I want. And leave everything unfinished whenver I want.

Because I'm awesome like that.

[yuuago]

You're certainly awesome, yes.


I'm still not used to being able to do whatever I want.

[diplopod.livejournal.com]

Oh man, that reminds me, I really ought to do a friends cut myself. I can't possibly talk to more than fifteen people on my f-list.

That sounds like what I used to do with my sketchbooks. Always told myself this will be my good sketchbook then I'd "ruin" it and have to start another and another... Talk about a waste of paper. It's a really bad habit, it's good you're breaking out of it.

[yuuago]

Yeah. I was kind of hesitant, but -- man, I don't talk to most of those people. And my list is still long, but a lot of the people on it now don't write more than once a month, if that, so that's fine. I can keep up with that.


I'm glad I'm breaking out of it too -- it helps that I went out and bought a new cheap-ass sketchbook to do all my new stuff in. Maybe another part of the reason I always felt so bad about "wasting paper" in my old one is because it was a nice sketchbook, a really nice one, hardback with really good paper. Sigh... ehhh we'll see how this goes.