(no subject)
Jan. 31st, 2018 10:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuagoI'M SO FUCKING DEPRESSED. AND I'M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF ABOUT IT.
All I feel these days is BLAH, alternating with SMAD. Just all this vague low-boiling anger at my relationship with my relations and the difficulty of changing things in my life and the unfortunate reality of my existence.
Like. I don't have a kaomoji to properly express the way I feel, man.
щ(◉Д◉щ) is not quite it.
щ(≖益 ≖щ) is not it either.
... Maybe щ(◉益 ◉щ)
I'M JUST SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED AND PISSED OFF.
It's like, that thing where everything in the world tastes like mashed potatoes. Except douse those potatoes with some chili sauce of ANGER and you kind of come close to what's going on here.
Part of the reason I'm pissed off at this particular moment rather than just in general is that I lost at least an hour of time to my fucking brain - I was doing that thing where I just kind of zone out and stare at the wall for an hour (or... do other stuff that I don't really want to discuss). Losing time is one of those depression symptoms that I don't hear people talk about that often, but man, do I ever get it, and does it ever SUCK. Like. I could have done some shit with that hour. I could have done some yoga. I could have had a shower. I could have gone the fuck to sleep. But NOOOOO.
On the upside - and for this I am grateful - at least I'm not... you know... I've been in the sort of headspace where I was so fucking depressed that I just spent all day crying in bed, so you know, at least this isn't that.
At least anger is like... I can DO something with that. I'm pissed off? FINE. I'll kick driving's ass! I'll kick the world's ass! I'll kick my own ass! FIGHT ME. I might feel empty and bland inside, but I don't give a shit. FIGHT ME.
But man, I'm sick of this.
On a related note (well, related to the depression, not the anger) I wish this would just go away because man, I'm pretty sure that I'm really boring to be around right now. When I'm not whining about bullshit, I don't have much to say, and I know that sort of thing is obnoxious. Which is why I'm trying to keep it confined to my journal, but just. Ugh. Stop being such a tedious ass, self. Or, like, try harder to Get The Ball Rolling in your life so you have something to talk about other than "I hate life, the universe, and everything."
All I feel these days is BLAH, alternating with SMAD. Just all this vague low-boiling anger at my relationship with my relations and the difficulty of changing things in my life and the unfortunate reality of my existence.
Like. I don't have a kaomoji to properly express the way I feel, man.
щ(◉Д◉щ) is not quite it.
щ(≖益 ≖щ) is not it either.
... Maybe щ(◉益 ◉щ)
I'M JUST SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED AND PISSED OFF.
It's like, that thing where everything in the world tastes like mashed potatoes. Except douse those potatoes with some chili sauce of ANGER and you kind of come close to what's going on here.
Part of the reason I'm pissed off at this particular moment rather than just in general is that I lost at least an hour of time to my fucking brain - I was doing that thing where I just kind of zone out and stare at the wall for an hour (or... do other stuff that I don't really want to discuss). Losing time is one of those depression symptoms that I don't hear people talk about that often, but man, do I ever get it, and does it ever SUCK. Like. I could have done some shit with that hour. I could have done some yoga. I could have had a shower. I could have gone the fuck to sleep. But NOOOOO.
On the upside - and for this I am grateful - at least I'm not... you know... I've been in the sort of headspace where I was so fucking depressed that I just spent all day crying in bed, so you know, at least this isn't that.
At least anger is like... I can DO something with that. I'm pissed off? FINE. I'll kick driving's ass! I'll kick the world's ass! I'll kick my own ass! FIGHT ME. I might feel empty and bland inside, but I don't give a shit. FIGHT ME.
But man, I'm sick of this.
On a related note (well, related to the depression, not the anger) I wish this would just go away because man, I'm pretty sure that I'm really boring to be around right now. When I'm not whining about bullshit, I don't have much to say, and I know that sort of thing is obnoxious. Which is why I'm trying to keep it confined to my journal, but just. Ugh. Stop being such a tedious ass, self. Or, like, try harder to Get The Ball Rolling in your life so you have something to talk about other than "I hate life, the universe, and everything."
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 11:20 am (UTC)- Folie
no subject
Date: 2018-02-01 12:59 pm (UTC)