(no subject)
Nov. 21st, 2017 06:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuagoFucking hell, I hate Christmas in general, and gift exchanges in my family in particular.
Gifts in my family have to meet certain parameters. Gift cards are not acceptable, money is not acceptable, edible gifts are not acceptable, and charitable donations are not acceptable. It must be physical/permanent, hit a certain price minimum, and be... uh... visually remarkable (or something to that effect). This applies to gifts in general, but especially Christmas gifts in particular.
I have three things on my gift request list this year, and none of them really hit any of the requirements. And what this means is that I keep getting badgered by my mother to think of something else to ask for, because what I'm asking for is "not good enough" and I must be "desperate for ideas if that's what [I'm] asking for". Gee, thanks.
This garbage is one of the reasons I dread gift-giving holidays. I really hate receiving gifts. I hate it; I'm always pressured to say "yes" to things that I don't want.
And I'm especially stressed out because last year, there was something that I had explicitly said I did not want and had no use for, and I was given it anyway (and it could not be returned).
We had a conversation about it this evening, and for some reason, my mother has no memory of the discussion we had about how I didn't want that thing, even though I clearly remember telling her that I didn't want it. More than once. Emphatically.
So now I'm trying to make it absolutely clear that I don't want to receive anything I didn't explicitly ask for, and -
"Well, you don't have to be a little bitch about it"
Wow. Go fuck yourself.
This shit is why I hate Christmas in this house - it's more about the desires of the gift-giver than the person receiving. This wasn't the first time she'd given me something that I specifically told her I didn't want; it's happened before.
And she keeps pressuring me to ask for things, like she does at every fucking gift-giving holiday, and like... There is nothing I need. There is nothing I want. I have everything in the world that I could possibly desire. Just please get me the nice shampoo/conditioner set that I asked for! And maybe one of those gift-Mastercards so I can buy some digital music! That's all I want! Nothing else. Stop bothering me!
What bothers me isn't so much the specifics of the objects received; it's moreso the fact that she completely ignores everything I have to say. I mean, when you ask someone about their request, and then completely disregard what they tell you they want because it doesn't meet your arbitrary and frankly stupid requirements of "fancy enough for a gift"... It feels bad, man. (And when they insult your taste... for example, I asked for an anthology of Chinese poetry for my most recent birthday, and was told I must be scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas. Ugh, fuck you.)
If there were any way to opt out of this garbage, I would, but in this house it is not possible.
ON THE UPSIDE... it has reminded me that I do have a ton of stuff to take down to the secondhand store. And that I really should do that this weekend. Yes.
Onnn a lighter note, I threw some money at Coats for Kids (I really wish I could just say "donate some cash to such-and-such as my Christmas gift" but, well, see rant above.) This is an Alberta-specific charity, though I'm sure there are similar initiatives in other places. I remember that we always used to donate our old winter coats to this.... Anyway, I feel a bit better now. I'm still a little angry, but, well, whatever.
Gifts in my family have to meet certain parameters. Gift cards are not acceptable, money is not acceptable, edible gifts are not acceptable, and charitable donations are not acceptable. It must be physical/permanent, hit a certain price minimum, and be... uh... visually remarkable (or something to that effect). This applies to gifts in general, but especially Christmas gifts in particular.
I have three things on my gift request list this year, and none of them really hit any of the requirements. And what this means is that I keep getting badgered by my mother to think of something else to ask for, because what I'm asking for is "not good enough" and I must be "desperate for ideas if that's what [I'm] asking for". Gee, thanks.
This garbage is one of the reasons I dread gift-giving holidays. I really hate receiving gifts. I hate it; I'm always pressured to say "yes" to things that I don't want.
And I'm especially stressed out because last year, there was something that I had explicitly said I did not want and had no use for, and I was given it anyway (and it could not be returned).
We had a conversation about it this evening, and for some reason, my mother has no memory of the discussion we had about how I didn't want that thing, even though I clearly remember telling her that I didn't want it. More than once. Emphatically.
So now I'm trying to make it absolutely clear that I don't want to receive anything I didn't explicitly ask for, and -
"Well, you don't have to be a little bitch about it"
Wow. Go fuck yourself.
This shit is why I hate Christmas in this house - it's more about the desires of the gift-giver than the person receiving. This wasn't the first time she'd given me something that I specifically told her I didn't want; it's happened before.
And she keeps pressuring me to ask for things, like she does at every fucking gift-giving holiday, and like... There is nothing I need. There is nothing I want. I have everything in the world that I could possibly desire. Just please get me the nice shampoo/conditioner set that I asked for! And maybe one of those gift-Mastercards so I can buy some digital music! That's all I want! Nothing else. Stop bothering me!
What bothers me isn't so much the specifics of the objects received; it's moreso the fact that she completely ignores everything I have to say. I mean, when you ask someone about their request, and then completely disregard what they tell you they want because it doesn't meet your arbitrary and frankly stupid requirements of "fancy enough for a gift"... It feels bad, man. (And when they insult your taste... for example, I asked for an anthology of Chinese poetry for my most recent birthday, and was told I must be scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas. Ugh, fuck you.)
If there were any way to opt out of this garbage, I would, but in this house it is not possible.
ON THE UPSIDE... it has reminded me that I do have a ton of stuff to take down to the secondhand store. And that I really should do that this weekend. Yes.
Onnn a lighter note, I threw some money at Coats for Kids (I really wish I could just say "donate some cash to such-and-such as my Christmas gift" but, well, see rant above.) This is an Alberta-specific charity, though I'm sure there are similar initiatives in other places. I remember that we always used to donate our old winter coats to this.... Anyway, I feel a bit better now. I'm still a little angry, but, well, whatever.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.
no subject
Date: 2017-11-22 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-11-22 04:02 am (UTC)/flops
Is it January yet?
no subject
Date: 2017-11-22 10:42 am (UTC)And now for some perhaps practical solutions. There might be a way to use this gift trap to your advantage. You'll be moving out soon (next year?) and you might not have everything you need at your new place. Maybe ask for some kitchen appliance or home decorating things or even some shelves (because more shelves are ALWAYS useful) for when you move. You don't need to tell your parents what these are for, if moving out conversations are undesirable. "Oh I just want more shelves/this nice lamp in my room".
Alternatively, the minimal headache solution is, I guess, to ask for expensive clothing/shoes and donate them right away. At least *someone* will be happy, even if that person will not be you.
Christmas will be over soon. Wishing you energy to power through until then. <3
LK
no subject
Date: 2017-11-22 12:56 pm (UTC)Well, I dunno, I'll have to think about those suggestions... On the upside you've reminded me that I actually could use a new lamp. ;V
no subject
Date: 2017-11-22 05:09 pm (UTC)Also, the reaction to your wish about the Chinese poetry anthology is horrible. It's just not okay to belittle other people's interests and wishes like that.
It's sad when Christmas becomes something to hate. In a bit more than a month, it'll be over. Stay strong!
no subject
Date: 2017-11-23 04:13 am (UTC)Only a month and a bit... I can hold out that long! <3