(no subject)

[yuuago]

Oh my fucking god, PTSD can just fuck off right now. I just... fuck.

It's been over a year. I shouldn't be crying for no fucking reason.

(The logical part of me says: This is a perfectly ordinary reaction to experiencing a terrifying natural disaster, even a year onward, especially considering the fact that other terrifying natural disasters have been in the news throughout the summer, including recently.)

(The rest of me says: Fuck you, I should be over this.)

The sky freaked me out last night. It was hazy and red, like it was during the fire. I thought it was nothing, but I found out today that it was probably smoke.

The forest fires are in the national park. They are under control. They're also decently far away. I don't know how close they could get to the city even if it did start to turn that direction. There isn't any dead wood left to burn.

You know, I used to love the smell of woodsmoke. Now I can't fucking smell it without freaking out.

This is just. So damn frustrating. I'm so sick of this.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Give you time, Yuu *Hugs* It's okay. It's okay to have memories and alright to find them freaking, because THEY ARE. Because you're human. It's also natural to have reminiscences and your brain remembering the fear.
There is a gab between what you know, as a rational person, and what your mind do sometimes. (I'll tell you my story with dogs someday, you'll laugh...) It might take time, but all will be fine :)

Mélusine

[yuuago]

Thanks, Melu. <3

I know I just have to wait for it to get better over time, but... it's really annoying and inconvenient to feel this way, and that makes me mad and sad at the same time. ...Smad. ;p

orz

[/hugs!]