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yuuago/backdates
So. Today I decided that this spring, I'm going to work really, really hard, and get my driver's license. And then I'm going to start the process toward moving out.
I was more or less expecting to live with my parents until they die. Part of my family is from a culture where it's just -- living with your parents, or your parents living with you, that's normal. And expected. Especially when you parents are old and need help keeping the house in order.
When I was younger, I figured that it would go like this: I'd live with my parents until I got married. And then eventually, later on, my parents would move in with me. But now I know that I don't want to get married, and I also don't want to be around my parents any more.
I was sitting in the library today. And I was checking the closing hours. And I found myself wishing that I didn't have to go home, that I could stay there until nine in the evening and then go home. I can't do that right now. But I could do that if I lived on my own.
Here, you pretty much can't live on your own unless you have a car - there are only very few places within reasonable walking distances of grocery stores, for one thing. So, I'll need to take care of that first. But hey, even after I get that license and that car, I can still use the transit. I don't have to drive all the time. I like the transit. And it'll mean I have to spend less money on gasoline.
I just... leaving aside the fact that my parents have horrible politics, they aren't even nice people. Supper always makes me feel tense and anxious, because if I say anything - anything at all - my mother will find something mean-spirited and insulting to say about my interests. And if I say nothing, then she'll say something insulting about the fact that I'm saying nothing. (Not eating with her is not an option. Quickly finishing my food and then leaving the table is also not an option. Having supper somewhere else is definitely not an option either.)
I'm sick of feeling suffocated, and I'm sick of living with assholes.
So, I guess I'll have to... work on getting that license. I won't be able to do anything else until I do that. Hooo boy. I'll have to look into professional lessons again. Trying to learn from my parents has just plain not been effective. The driving school people were more workable with regards to my anxiety and everything. Not to mention that the vehicles they provide for practice are actually a reasonable size for learning.
I think, back when I was originally trying, things were going okay with it? For a while? But then my mother had her heart attack and then I stopped working at it for obvious reasons. And then after that it was just... hard to find the time. I'll have to make the time.
What is this, the third attempt? ...WELL, third time's the charm, etc etc etc. Ugh, we'll see how this goes.
So. Today I decided that this spring, I'm going to work really, really hard, and get my driver's license. And then I'm going to start the process toward moving out.
I was more or less expecting to live with my parents until they die. Part of my family is from a culture where it's just -- living with your parents, or your parents living with you, that's normal. And expected. Especially when you parents are old and need help keeping the house in order.
When I was younger, I figured that it would go like this: I'd live with my parents until I got married. And then eventually, later on, my parents would move in with me. But now I know that I don't want to get married, and I also don't want to be around my parents any more.
I was sitting in the library today. And I was checking the closing hours. And I found myself wishing that I didn't have to go home, that I could stay there until nine in the evening and then go home. I can't do that right now. But I could do that if I lived on my own.
Here, you pretty much can't live on your own unless you have a car - there are only very few places within reasonable walking distances of grocery stores, for one thing. So, I'll need to take care of that first. But hey, even after I get that license and that car, I can still use the transit. I don't have to drive all the time. I like the transit. And it'll mean I have to spend less money on gasoline.
I just... leaving aside the fact that my parents have horrible politics, they aren't even nice people. Supper always makes me feel tense and anxious, because if I say anything - anything at all - my mother will find something mean-spirited and insulting to say about my interests. And if I say nothing, then she'll say something insulting about the fact that I'm saying nothing. (Not eating with her is not an option. Quickly finishing my food and then leaving the table is also not an option. Having supper somewhere else is definitely not an option either.)
I'm sick of feeling suffocated, and I'm sick of living with assholes.
So, I guess I'll have to... work on getting that license. I won't be able to do anything else until I do that. Hooo boy. I'll have to look into professional lessons again. Trying to learn from my parents has just plain not been effective. The driving school people were more workable with regards to my anxiety and everything. Not to mention that the vehicles they provide for practice are actually a reasonable size for learning.
I think, back when I was originally trying, things were going okay with it? For a while? But then my mother had her heart attack and then I stopped working at it for obvious reasons. And then after that it was just... hard to find the time. I'll have to make the time.
What is this, the third attempt? ...WELL, third time's the charm, etc etc etc. Ugh, we'll see how this goes.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.
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Date: 2017-01-21 02:33 pm (UTC)LK
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Date: 2017-01-21 03:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-21 05:49 pm (UTC)And for the "living with my parents" part... *More hugs* Wow, Yuu. You don't have to impose that to yourself. Especially when you have bad relations with your parents (says the one who consider that 400 km is a good distance from her mother, and probably a minimum *Is in better physical and mental health with distance from family, even if it's sad to say*)
All of that takes courage. It's only words, and I'm far away and it won't probably change anything, but I'm already proud of you <3
Mélusine
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Date: 2017-01-22 05:40 am (UTC)Hopefully it will be okay. Part of the reason I wasn't taking professional lessons is because they're very expensive... but, whatever. I need to get this done. I'll pay it.
The whole living with parents thing... I probably wouldn't even have a problem with it if I actually liked and got along with them. In fact I think it would be the ideal situation. But, since we don't have a good relationship, I think it's time for me to start interpreting things from a different perspective.
I'll do my best! <3
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Date: 2017-01-21 09:58 pm (UTC)My best friend had to try three times as well when learning to drive, but as you said: Third time is the charm.
~Tali
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Date: 2017-01-22 05:41 am (UTC)But at least it's a start. <3 Thank you~
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Date: 2017-01-24 05:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-26 03:54 am (UTC)There are a lot of barriers in my way, but it's ABOUT TIME that I, uh, took care of all this. All of it. Starting with... driving... bleeeehhhhh.
I'll just have to keep reminding me that when I have that car, I'll be able to go on the national park roadtrip that I've been dreaming about for years. Aside from, y'know, everything else.