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yuuagoBusy busy busy with everything, yep. I've been doing my best to keep up with things and not waste too much time doing nothing. So far, it's working. Wonderful!
I found out that Sabaton is releasing a new album next month, and I am so excited about it, I just can't shut up about it. :D It's WWII-centric again, which is a tad disappointing because after the Swedish Empire-centric Carolus Rex album I was hoping that they would do more albums with songs about periods earlier than the 20th century. (Something about Napoleon, maybe? Or the Ottoman Empire perhaps?) Oh well, I'm sure it'll still be awesome, because their work always is.
Anyway. I'm reading Stephen King's The Shining right now. It's not bad so far. I saw the film about a year ago, and I remember being lukewarm about it, but after looking up some screengrabs, I remember it being very visually interesting... maybe I should watch it again after this and see if my impression changes. As for the book, I feel kind of "Hmmm" about it, not sure, though I prefer to reserve judgment until after I finish it. But I can't put it down, so that counts for something.
... I really should read more horror that isn't Stephen King. But other than classic ghost stories (Like The Haunting of Hill House) and Victorian works (like Dracula and such) I kind of draw a blank. I'm not sure where modern horror really stands as a genre; unlike crime it doesn't have its own section at my local book store, so that means it takes more effort and more digging to find it. I should do some googling, perhaps. (And I'll take recs if anybody reading this has any. :D)
I've been doing some preliminary research for a historical fic set in Sweden during the early 1700s. It's possible that I might end up not writing it, at least not any time soon. But so far I'm really interested, and I could go through this stuff for hours, and I'm having a good time with it. It feels good to be doing something for myself like this.
I'm having fun with my research and reading and whatnot. And I feel really good lately because I've managed to keep on top of all of my daily tasks - it's thanks to Habit RPG; it really helps to have a checklist of things that I need to do every day, like make my bed and check my work email. Keeping on top of these little things helps me function more effectively and I'm so glad that I started using that website, because it really helps.
But though I'm enjoying things and feeling good, at the same time, I still experience a low-level of what I might call... blah. It's so fucking weird. Somehow, maybe, it becomes even more noticeable when I'm feeling good like this, because that feeling should be there. But there's still the blah, which makes it difficult to enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them, makes it difficult to concentrate on things, makes it difficult to talk to people, makes it difficult to have a good time when I'm having a good time. ... Which sounds nonsensical but there it is.
In other words, sometimes when I'm feeling good like this, it makes the dysthymia more obvious, because I'm depressed even when I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed! I'm happy! I feel good! I'm having fun reading this scary book and researching about battles and stuff! But at the same time, I'm still depressed. It's a hill that I can't get over.
It makes me think that I probably won't be able to get past the dysthymia without medication. But my experiences with medication have been very bad (I'll spare the details, but one made me sick, the other turned me into a complete zombie) and my family is not supportive of getting help with mental health even if you are diagnosed with a mental illness. I wouldn't be able to hide it from them, and the drama and emotional abuse would not be worth it. So for now I just need to deal with it and find better coping strategies, I guess.
Then again, I've only been doing well for about a month. That isn't a very long time. So maybe if I continue to work on this problem, and continue to form good habits and keep on top of everything that I need to do, it'll put me in a position where I can pull myself up over that hill on my own. Or something.
I found out that Sabaton is releasing a new album next month, and I am so excited about it, I just can't shut up about it. :D It's WWII-centric again, which is a tad disappointing because after the Swedish Empire-centric Carolus Rex album I was hoping that they would do more albums with songs about periods earlier than the 20th century. (Something about Napoleon, maybe? Or the Ottoman Empire perhaps?) Oh well, I'm sure it'll still be awesome, because their work always is.
Anyway. I'm reading Stephen King's The Shining right now. It's not bad so far. I saw the film about a year ago, and I remember being lukewarm about it, but after looking up some screengrabs, I remember it being very visually interesting... maybe I should watch it again after this and see if my impression changes. As for the book, I feel kind of "Hmmm" about it, not sure, though I prefer to reserve judgment until after I finish it. But I can't put it down, so that counts for something.
... I really should read more horror that isn't Stephen King. But other than classic ghost stories (Like The Haunting of Hill House) and Victorian works (like Dracula and such) I kind of draw a blank. I'm not sure where modern horror really stands as a genre; unlike crime it doesn't have its own section at my local book store, so that means it takes more effort and more digging to find it. I should do some googling, perhaps. (And I'll take recs if anybody reading this has any. :D)
I've been doing some preliminary research for a historical fic set in Sweden during the early 1700s. It's possible that I might end up not writing it, at least not any time soon. But so far I'm really interested, and I could go through this stuff for hours, and I'm having a good time with it. It feels good to be doing something for myself like this.
I'm having fun with my research and reading and whatnot. And I feel really good lately because I've managed to keep on top of all of my daily tasks - it's thanks to Habit RPG; it really helps to have a checklist of things that I need to do every day, like make my bed and check my work email. Keeping on top of these little things helps me function more effectively and I'm so glad that I started using that website, because it really helps.
But though I'm enjoying things and feeling good, at the same time, I still experience a low-level of what I might call... blah. It's so fucking weird. Somehow, maybe, it becomes even more noticeable when I'm feeling good like this, because that feeling should be there. But there's still the blah, which makes it difficult to enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them, makes it difficult to concentrate on things, makes it difficult to talk to people, makes it difficult to have a good time when I'm having a good time. ... Which sounds nonsensical but there it is.
In other words, sometimes when I'm feeling good like this, it makes the dysthymia more obvious, because I'm depressed even when I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed! I'm happy! I feel good! I'm having fun reading this scary book and researching about battles and stuff! But at the same time, I'm still depressed. It's a hill that I can't get over.
It makes me think that I probably won't be able to get past the dysthymia without medication. But my experiences with medication have been very bad (I'll spare the details, but one made me sick, the other turned me into a complete zombie) and my family is not supportive of getting help with mental health even if you are diagnosed with a mental illness. I wouldn't be able to hide it from them, and the drama and emotional abuse would not be worth it. So for now I just need to deal with it and find better coping strategies, I guess.
Then again, I've only been doing well for about a month. That isn't a very long time. So maybe if I continue to work on this problem, and continue to form good habits and keep on top of everything that I need to do, it'll put me in a position where I can pull myself up over that hill on my own. Or something.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.