I don't know anything! ... But I'm working on it.

[yuuago]

I recently finished reading a big fat book on viking-age history and whatnot, and after all that I feel as if I know even less about the period than I did before cracking it open. This happens every time I learn something new: I go into it thinking I have a vague idea of what it's all about, and I come out of it feeling as if I know nothing.

Always happens. Without fail. Like that time I was working on literature related to the War of 1812: I did so much research, wrote a 20-page paper on it, but after all that, did I understand it really? No. But I was left with the desire to learn even more about it... so, I suppose that's something.

It certainly doesn't help that I'm always left with the feeling that I don't fully understand what I've read. Were someone to ask me to tell them something about such-and-such subject, I'd be left saying "Uh... I don't know". I can't really form the thoughts into the words I need in order to be able to explain the parts that I think I understand a little bit, either. And whenever I do try, I always accidentally leave an important part out or get something wrong because I didn't understand it or I remembered it incorrectly. Though I probably absorb more than I realize I do.

Never mind me; this is just my endless frustration. щ(◉Д◉щ) Though I suppose -- well, isn't there a saying, "A wise man is one who realizes he knows nothing"? Or something to that effect. I suppose that's how it's going here, because I don't know anything about anything, even though I try to learn things and figure things out, and I'll willingly admit to that.

I guess I just realize it more now because I've been reading more nonfiction than I did back when I was in school (and watching more documentary film etc). I mean, in school I would take a book, grab the information I needed in order to write an essay, and then put it aside. But now I'm (trying) to read to learn things. It's in order to keep myself intellectually stimulated -- maybe it's a bit irrational, but I keep having this worry that if I don't take initiative and teach myself things and expose myself to stuff I don't know anything about (since I'm no longer in classes), then my brain will like, shrivel up and die, figuratively speaking.

I'm so glad I did decide to take this initiative, though, even if it frustrates me. I just never was able to do this sort of thing when I was in school. It's really, really hard to find the time to read about random stuff like the independence movement in soviet Estonia or the the formation of the solar system when you have a 20-page paper on the importance of the use of Cree vocabulary and mythological narratives in Scofield's poetry due in two days and coffee is what's keeping you upright because you haven't properly slept in a week. To use an extreme example, I mean.

... So. There it is, then. :Va

Comments

[mumumugen.livejournal.com]

Fandom secret:
This sort of thing is partly why I have trouble writing Hetalia fic: the more I read for fics, the more I understood how VAST the knowledge that I had to grasp was, if I wanted to do something historically correct, and the quick spread of impeccable, amazing fics by other writers made me too neurotic (as I am of doing sub-par performances in public, which is also why I never raised my hand in class in college) to bother anymore. It comes to the point where I feel more comfortable willingly going "screw it, I'm playing it FREESTYLE. WHOOHOO."

[yuuago]

Haha, man, I know the feeling. There's been more than one time when I've come across an idea that would be great but the amount of research I would have to do is huge, and then I'd still get it wrong. At one point, I started writing what would eventually be a very long fic about the 19th-century union between Sweden and Norway, and got quite a good amount written before I realized that I was getting some historical stuff wrong, and I'd have to scrap it.
(But looking back on that story, there were plot holes and bad characterization too, so it's a good thing that I scrapped it. But still.)

Soooo... it's not just you. And I've heard from other people as well, that the amount of knowledge one needs in order to do historical fic makes some people too intimidated or too frustrated to write that kind of thing.

I find it isn't quite so difficult/intimidating if one grabs hold of one particular, definite point, and writes about that, and does it in something short. I find for me, doing that, it's at least easier to wrangle, easier to get hold of that point in history and portray it without problems. :Va

[mumumugen.livejournal.com]

I FEEL YOUR PAINNNN-- but then again one of my big writing projects is a Western, and I've deliberately found myself kicking some realism to the curb because I wasn't getting anywhere *nor* was the hyperrealism contributing to the story.

Also the story was already one pint of a step away from becoming a looney tunes episode so I just went all the way.

Which is actually what I've been doing with Hetalia lately. I just keep it to private RPs with a friend, simply because it's fun. I appreciate and highly respect the effort that a lot of writers take to keep it historical, but at some point I found the pressure was outdoing the joy.

As a complete aside, I have a friend who is big on Norway/Sweden. May I ask if you have any art to share for the pairing? (Not that I want to see it or anything (/tsuntsun))

[yuuago]

Sometimes, you just need to throw realism out the window. It's literature, it doesn't have to be exactly like real life! (At least, this is what I tell myself).

:Va I didn't know you roleplay! But anyway, yeah, "pressure outdoing the joy" can be... a problem. And for a while I let it get to me too. Far better to just do whatever one wants, definitely. ... As long as one is sure not to make any big huge enormous errors, but that isn't difficult (I think).

Also re: Norway/Sweden. IS THAT SO. Okay, let's see. :)a
Hmm, I posted a few in last year's syttende mai picspam - I'll just link to the Nor/Swe part of it here

But I acquired a lot more since then. [/uploads] Since there's several, I'll just link 'em:

01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13

[mumumugen.livejournal.com]

First off: thanks! I really like #6 for some reason.
And yeah, I RP, though entirely over chats/on IRC/gtalk. I've been RPing almost on a daily basis for, like... 15 years now, which is kind of frightening as that is more than half of my life, but it's like daily writing practice, let me tell you.

[mumumugen.livejournal.com]

On the note of Hetalia, I've played Italy, England, Sweden, Prussia, Japan and Denmark. On occasion, Canada, and Switzerland, who tends to double his appearances in our RPs going by the nickname "Dr. Gene Eva." Of course, when confronted about his real identity he'll deny it. Vehemently.

[cher-arlequin.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I know the feeling. As a (soon-to-be) history major, every time I learn something completely new I'm torn between thinking, "That was interesting" and "Why didn't I know this before?" THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH STUFF OUT THERE.

[yuuago]

SO MUCH STUFF
SO LITTLE TIME
WHY DO I HAVE TO SLEEP
AND WHY CAN'T I JUST LEARN THROUGH OSMOSIS
sigh :c

Also hello you, 's been a while. :)a

[miezen.livejournal.com]

Hey, you have to start somewhere, right? And that book sounds like fun! But yeah, I know how that goes. I have this mid-size book of general Hungarian history and I'm reading it and going "um...okay but what all HAPPENED in these time periods? Need. More. Books."

[yuuago]

There are never enough books.
Well, more than never enough books, there is never enough time to read them.
Nor is there ever enough energy to read them.
щ(◉Д◉щ) What has my life become.

[miezen.livejournal.com]

idk but I commiserate. ;A;

[yuuago]

Oh, don't get me wrong, I have a hard time paying attention to large chunks of text as well! But it isn't so bad if I find a way to divide it up somehow. (I usually read like... five pages and then go do something else, haha. So it takes me forever to get through nonfiction and difficult novels, hah)

Not knowing something doesn't make a person stupid. It just makes them a person who doesn't know such-and-such. :)a You're smart, Elliepie - it's just that you know about different things than I do.