A spine would be nice.
Mar. 18th, 2010 12:55 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuagoNew fic up; Palimpsest (Swe/Fin, short).
Also, LJ has been screwy lately, so if I haven't responded to something -- that would be why. Sorry, y'all.
The last few days have been unproductive as hell. Aside from going to class, housekeeping, and a bit of writing - which I should not be doing - I've mostly been lazing around. I wonder how long I can use recovery as an excuse. On the one hand, with the pain it's hard to concentrate - but on the other, I'm driving myself crazy with guilt because I haven't been keeping up with important things.
I've been thinking on the matter of my summer trip, and I'm still troubled as to how to bring it up with mum when I go to see her. It isn't as if I can just say "Oh hey, by the way, I'm going to Finland on X date. I'll send ya' a postcard." She can't stop me from anything, of course, given that I'm 23 and no longer live in her house and will be paying for this myself, but it would be foolish to think that I won't have to explain myself and that there won't be some argument centred around it.
Ugh, thinking about this makes my head hurt. I try to be a good son, but it's hard because it seems as if acting independently (or acting as if I have a spine) in any sort of way is a deviation from my family's very narrow definition of what a "good son" should be. Well, at least visiting Minni will be worth all of this mess.
I'm glad I finally managed to finish Palimpsest. I'd been working on that thing since mid-December, it's gone through I don't know how many drafts (at least seven), and now I can finally toss it in the "finished" folder. I'm not sure I would have managed to call it done if I hadn't given up and bugged Chai 'n Sea, saying "DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE?!" Well. It's good to be doing something, and now I think I might be starting to get over my funk regarding writing Sweden/Finland. They might not be an easy pair to write (especially compared to the ones that come easily to me, like Est/Fin) but they're not impossible.
I have so many ideas for other things, but I don't have time, and I can't write properly until my wrist fixes itself. It makes me angry. Projects from before, I can't finish them. New ideas that keep bothering me, I can't start them. Well maybe if I try to write a little every day... Maybe just for fifteen minutes every day. Maybe I can do it. But at the same time, if I can't write a page of school-notes without fucking up my hand more -- what then?
I haven't written any poetry in ages. True, in part this has to do with my attempted halt of all writing - have to let my wrist recover and all that - but still, I find myself almost in despair about it. By the time this weekend rolls around, winter will be officially over (though I always say, winter ain't over until the snow is gone) and that means my best writing time will be lost. Frustrating. It's hard to write that stuff well the weather is good, somehow. I need an atmosphere a little more unforgiving.
I guess I just have to hope that things will take a different direction soon.
Also, LJ has been screwy lately, so if I haven't responded to something -- that would be why. Sorry, y'all.
The last few days have been unproductive as hell. Aside from going to class, housekeeping, and a bit of writing - which I should not be doing - I've mostly been lazing around. I wonder how long I can use recovery as an excuse. On the one hand, with the pain it's hard to concentrate - but on the other, I'm driving myself crazy with guilt because I haven't been keeping up with important things.
I've been thinking on the matter of my summer trip, and I'm still troubled as to how to bring it up with mum when I go to see her. It isn't as if I can just say "Oh hey, by the way, I'm going to Finland on X date. I'll send ya' a postcard." She can't stop me from anything, of course, given that I'm 23 and no longer live in her house and will be paying for this myself, but it would be foolish to think that I won't have to explain myself and that there won't be some argument centred around it.
Ugh, thinking about this makes my head hurt. I try to be a good son, but it's hard because it seems as if acting independently (or acting as if I have a spine) in any sort of way is a deviation from my family's very narrow definition of what a "good son" should be. Well, at least visiting Minni will be worth all of this mess.
I'm glad I finally managed to finish Palimpsest. I'd been working on that thing since mid-December, it's gone through I don't know how many drafts (at least seven), and now I can finally toss it in the "finished" folder. I'm not sure I would have managed to call it done if I hadn't given up and bugged Chai 'n Sea, saying "DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE?!" Well. It's good to be doing something, and now I think I might be starting to get over my funk regarding writing Sweden/Finland. They might not be an easy pair to write (especially compared to the ones that come easily to me, like Est/Fin) but they're not impossible.
I have so many ideas for other things, but I don't have time, and I can't write properly until my wrist fixes itself. It makes me angry. Projects from before, I can't finish them. New ideas that keep bothering me, I can't start them. Well maybe if I try to write a little every day... Maybe just for fifteen minutes every day. Maybe I can do it. But at the same time, if I can't write a page of school-notes without fucking up my hand more -- what then?
I haven't written any poetry in ages. True, in part this has to do with my attempted halt of all writing - have to let my wrist recover and all that - but still, I find myself almost in despair about it. By the time this weekend rolls around, winter will be officially over (though I always say, winter ain't over until the snow is gone) and that means my best writing time will be lost. Frustrating. It's hard to write that stuff well the weather is good, somehow. I need an atmosphere a little more unforgiving.
I guess I just have to hope that things will take a different direction soon.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 07:26 am (UTC)\o\
/o/
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/o/
ilu bro
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Date: 2010-03-18 07:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 04:25 pm (UTC)as my new default icon makes me smile.
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Date: 2010-03-18 04:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 07:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 07:40 am (UTC)Maybe I'll write you a letter with my right hand, and then you shall see ~in person~ why I've given up.
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Date: 2010-03-18 07:55 am (UTC)I'm game if you are :D haha, I don't even know how to hold the pen right with my left hand.
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Date: 2010-03-18 07:56 am (UTC)I don't even know man. My right is useless for like... everything. Even holding stuff. WEAK. I suck.
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Date: 2010-03-18 08:02 am (UTC)Yeah, my left is just for doing things to support the right. Fingers on the left are more slender and less wrinkly than the ones on the right. I used to dream of being ambidextrous, but eh, never got around to doing that.
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Date: 2010-03-18 08:03 am (UTC)Well.
If I could train myself to write in a shaky moving vehicle (lol public transit) maybe I can train myself to write with the right. Eventually. If I'm stubborn enough. :|
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Date: 2010-03-18 08:08 am (UTC)man I can't even read on a moving vehicle. I get dizzy and headachy.
You can do it! \o/
oh damn is that the time, bye gotta run to class.
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Date: 2010-03-18 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 08:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 10:43 pm (UTC)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cozumel
It's for a lot of vacationers, I think!
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Date: 2010-03-18 10:26 am (UTC)At least the numbness went away, and then my arm got better. Well, until the day before yesterday. Now it's aching again aaaaaa!
PS Do write more Su/Fin!
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Date: 2010-03-18 04:10 pm (UTC)With me, we have no idea what is going on - we thought it was ordinary nerve damage and that it would heal in time, but it's been three months, and nothing. So frustrating.
RE: Su/Fin, no worries, I will! I've been getting ideas that I really like. (Now the question is only when I will manage to be able to actually do it....)
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Date: 2010-03-18 01:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-18 04:11 pm (UTC)