A long entry about various things
Jul. 6th, 2009 05:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yuuagoWell. The past few days have been interesting - but by "interesting" I mean only that the course of events has been different from the usual.
Yesterday the parents left. Good. I cleaned my apartment from top-to-bottom, took a good long nap, then went out to the cafe. Okay, so this all isn't unusual, but it felt that way. While here, my parents bought me some nice new clothes and a coffee grinder to replace my old one. It's far superior, and I love it. Small size, good grind, easy to clean. Excellent. Also, my father went about helping me with my mouse problem. We plugged most of the holes with duct tape and steel wool. There was one that couldn't be plugged - can't remember why; I think the back of the cupboard was caving in or something - but we did the best we could. He bought me some good traps and we set them up. Yesterday I found that one mouse had been caught. Good. However, I seriously doubt that there is only one mouse running around inside the walls, so naturally I set the trap up again.
Today I went to take care of various school-related matters, which I shall talk about later - then I went about downtown. I had to go to the bank to deposit my income tax cheque, which my parents had brought with them. It was rather large; enough to take care of this month's rent, and a bit extra, so after that I went to the White Cat (used book store; might have mentioned it before). Ah~ I'd intended to get a volume of Ibsen that I had been eyeing last time I was there, as while my mother was over she noticed I am currently reading Ibsen, and then proceeded to say all sorts of things against his work, though the only logical thing she said is that she finds his plays dull. Well, fair enough; after all, she is a Shakespeare fan.
But I digress. I did pick up that volume of plays; it contains eight, and three are the same as the ones in my cheap-ass pocket paperback. However, this is a hardcover, and in much nicer condition. I also picked up two Icelandic sagas (Egil's Saga and Grettir's Saga) which might end up passed on to Sab when I'm finished with them, aaand also a lovely hardback copy of Darwin's The Voyage of the Beagle. I really have a thing for literature related to science of any sort, but particularly "natural history", and I've always meant to read Darwin. Less scientific than Origin of Species - more of a narrative, as of course it is an account of his voyage. How excellent~ I look forward to it very much.
Anyway. Tonight I shall go out for my run, then to the cafe to do fic and possibly reading. Speaking of fic, current status is thus: 1 (short) fill typed up and ready for editing, 5 Nordic-centric anonmeme drabbles typed up and ready for editing, and I've begun writing an Est/Fin centric fill, though I might re-write the beginning because I'm not satisfied with it (I hate writing total PWP) and it, too, shall be rather short. I have half a mind to extend one of the drabbles after I finish editing it, as it did run away from me a bit, but we shall see.
Basically, the situation is thus: Toward the end of school, I withdrew completely and hid in my room for two months or so, and neither answered e-mails nor my telephone. After a period of time I managed to will myself to go out and speak with the school and arrange to make up the exams I missed and the essay-work I had not finished. It was around this time (I believe) that my parents visited me as well. I intended, at that point, to finish the work and re-do my exams. At that point in time my parents did not know my academic situation, nor did they know about the depression and anxiety, and I took the precaution of hiding my pills while they were here.
Almost immediately after they left, I withdrew again, though it was completely not what I intended to do. Once again I stopped answering phone calls and refused to check my e-mail and though I intended to work I couldn't muster up the will to do it. I spent a lot of time sleeping. I ended up missing the exams I had re-scheduled. After I realized I missed my re-scheduled exams, I gave up completely and began looking for work, though it was in a flighty and scatterbrained fashion and so I haven't landed myself a job yet.
Also at this time, I completely neglected my house. That is one way to know when I am going through a very bad period: I neglect my living space. This only happens if I am very ill physically or mentally. Truth be told, I hadn't properly cleaned in months, and was even neglecting the laundry.
The week before last I received a letter from Professor Cooley regarding my fail. I pissed around for a week trying to muster up the will to go, and decided I would do it on the Monday of the 6th (today). Fast-forward to Saturday. At around 11 AM I woke up to hear someone knocking on the door. I realized it was them, panicked, ran about trying to throw a few things in order, then let them in. I'd suspected this would happen eventually. Anyway, after getting dressed and brushing my teeth, we sat down together and explained everything, as I did above. I was unable to avoid mentioning the mental issues this time, as mum had seen the medication in my cabinet when she was looking for a coffee cup. So, I had to explain that too. They claim to understand, now, but neither of them do, not completely. However, they do know that this issue is something I have been diagnosed for, and that I'm not just being lazy or making it up.
They aren't angry at me, but I'm still entirely ashamed about the whole thing. This is something I should be able to handle. I was able to deal with it for years, so why not now? Ah well, no matter. Anyway. We agreed that this week I would go to the school, explain myself, and see what could be done. We also agreed that after this week I will go visit them for two weeks. They wanted me to come home for longer than that, but to be honest I don't want to spend the rest of my summer in Fort McMurray (though I miss the land very much) and they drive me crazy, and furthermore a certain person has plans to visit me in August. So, there we are.
Getting them to leave was very difficult. Dad had to go back to work, of course, but mum didn't, and that was the rub. They were insistent that she stay here a week. No, I said. No. I need my peace and quiet, and my privacy, and I can't get anything done when someone is breathing down my neck. Eventually, however, they did go, and I was able to get some well-needed rest.
So. Today I went down to the school. I met with Professor Cooley, and we went over what had happened and what my various options are; then we went to speak with Professor Vargo (department head). Thus far, it looks like I might be able to begin again in September; however, Cooley suspects that I may be required to make a medical LOA, which is generally minimum three months. Neither he nor Vargo could recall at this time whether or not the department makes the rules in this case, or another system does. So, they need to find that out. I will be meeting again with Vargo on Thursday to discuss this. Anyway, basically, if the department makes the rules, my chances of starting again in September are very good and, in that case, as Vargo says, "You'll have only lost a year". I'll have to make up 12 credits and do my project, which is no big deal whatsoever.
I intended to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist, as I shall need to get a letter from him; but unfortunately for me, he is out of the office until the 27th. However, between that is the two-week period when I will be visiting my parents. So, I think first I shall confirm the dates with them (as they need to book my flight), and then discuss the matter with Vargo, and then most likely I shall see him on the 27th, unless the department needs the letter immediately.
Anyway. So that is what happened this weekend, and what shall happen soon. Because my parents know now, I can breathe, and I no longer feel the need to ignore the telephone. Though right now I am ignoring the telephone, as my mother has been calling me every fifteen minutes for the last two hours. :| Ugh. MOM. STOPPIT. I'll phone you after I'm done making supper, goddamnit.
... I shall go do that now. Yes.
Yesterday the parents left. Good. I cleaned my apartment from top-to-bottom, took a good long nap, then went out to the cafe. Okay, so this all isn't unusual, but it felt that way. While here, my parents bought me some nice new clothes and a coffee grinder to replace my old one. It's far superior, and I love it. Small size, good grind, easy to clean. Excellent. Also, my father went about helping me with my mouse problem. We plugged most of the holes with duct tape and steel wool. There was one that couldn't be plugged - can't remember why; I think the back of the cupboard was caving in or something - but we did the best we could. He bought me some good traps and we set them up. Yesterday I found that one mouse had been caught. Good. However, I seriously doubt that there is only one mouse running around inside the walls, so naturally I set the trap up again.
Today I went to take care of various school-related matters, which I shall talk about later - then I went about downtown. I had to go to the bank to deposit my income tax cheque, which my parents had brought with them. It was rather large; enough to take care of this month's rent, and a bit extra, so after that I went to the White Cat (used book store; might have mentioned it before). Ah~ I'd intended to get a volume of Ibsen that I had been eyeing last time I was there, as while my mother was over she noticed I am currently reading Ibsen, and then proceeded to say all sorts of things against his work, though the only logical thing she said is that she finds his plays dull. Well, fair enough; after all, she is a Shakespeare fan.
But I digress. I did pick up that volume of plays; it contains eight, and three are the same as the ones in my cheap-ass pocket paperback. However, this is a hardcover, and in much nicer condition. I also picked up two Icelandic sagas (Egil's Saga and Grettir's Saga) which might end up passed on to Sab when I'm finished with them, aaand also a lovely hardback copy of Darwin's The Voyage of the Beagle. I really have a thing for literature related to science of any sort, but particularly "natural history", and I've always meant to read Darwin. Less scientific than Origin of Species - more of a narrative, as of course it is an account of his voyage. How excellent~ I look forward to it very much.
Anyway. Tonight I shall go out for my run, then to the cafe to do fic and possibly reading. Speaking of fic, current status is thus: 1 (short) fill typed up and ready for editing, 5 Nordic-centric anonmeme drabbles typed up and ready for editing, and I've begun writing an Est/Fin centric fill, though I might re-write the beginning because I'm not satisfied with it (I hate writing total PWP) and it, too, shall be rather short. I have half a mind to extend one of the drabbles after I finish editing it, as it did run away from me a bit, but we shall see.
Basically, the situation is thus: Toward the end of school, I withdrew completely and hid in my room for two months or so, and neither answered e-mails nor my telephone. After a period of time I managed to will myself to go out and speak with the school and arrange to make up the exams I missed and the essay-work I had not finished. It was around this time (I believe) that my parents visited me as well. I intended, at that point, to finish the work and re-do my exams. At that point in time my parents did not know my academic situation, nor did they know about the depression and anxiety, and I took the precaution of hiding my pills while they were here.
Almost immediately after they left, I withdrew again, though it was completely not what I intended to do. Once again I stopped answering phone calls and refused to check my e-mail and though I intended to work I couldn't muster up the will to do it. I spent a lot of time sleeping. I ended up missing the exams I had re-scheduled. After I realized I missed my re-scheduled exams, I gave up completely and began looking for work, though it was in a flighty and scatterbrained fashion and so I haven't landed myself a job yet.
Also at this time, I completely neglected my house. That is one way to know when I am going through a very bad period: I neglect my living space. This only happens if I am very ill physically or mentally. Truth be told, I hadn't properly cleaned in months, and was even neglecting the laundry.
The week before last I received a letter from Professor Cooley regarding my fail. I pissed around for a week trying to muster up the will to go, and decided I would do it on the Monday of the 6th (today). Fast-forward to Saturday. At around 11 AM I woke up to hear someone knocking on the door. I realized it was them, panicked, ran about trying to throw a few things in order, then let them in. I'd suspected this would happen eventually. Anyway, after getting dressed and brushing my teeth, we sat down together and explained everything, as I did above. I was unable to avoid mentioning the mental issues this time, as mum had seen the medication in my cabinet when she was looking for a coffee cup. So, I had to explain that too. They claim to understand, now, but neither of them do, not completely. However, they do know that this issue is something I have been diagnosed for, and that I'm not just being lazy or making it up.
They aren't angry at me, but I'm still entirely ashamed about the whole thing. This is something I should be able to handle. I was able to deal with it for years, so why not now? Ah well, no matter. Anyway. We agreed that this week I would go to the school, explain myself, and see what could be done. We also agreed that after this week I will go visit them for two weeks. They wanted me to come home for longer than that, but to be honest I don't want to spend the rest of my summer in Fort McMurray (though I miss the land very much) and they drive me crazy, and furthermore a certain person has plans to visit me in August. So, there we are.
Getting them to leave was very difficult. Dad had to go back to work, of course, but mum didn't, and that was the rub. They were insistent that she stay here a week. No, I said. No. I need my peace and quiet, and my privacy, and I can't get anything done when someone is breathing down my neck. Eventually, however, they did go, and I was able to get some well-needed rest.
So. Today I went down to the school. I met with Professor Cooley, and we went over what had happened and what my various options are; then we went to speak with Professor Vargo (department head). Thus far, it looks like I might be able to begin again in September; however, Cooley suspects that I may be required to make a medical LOA, which is generally minimum three months. Neither he nor Vargo could recall at this time whether or not the department makes the rules in this case, or another system does. So, they need to find that out. I will be meeting again with Vargo on Thursday to discuss this. Anyway, basically, if the department makes the rules, my chances of starting again in September are very good and, in that case, as Vargo says, "You'll have only lost a year". I'll have to make up 12 credits and do my project, which is no big deal whatsoever.
I intended to make an appointment to see my psychiatrist, as I shall need to get a letter from him; but unfortunately for me, he is out of the office until the 27th. However, between that is the two-week period when I will be visiting my parents. So, I think first I shall confirm the dates with them (as they need to book my flight), and then discuss the matter with Vargo, and then most likely I shall see him on the 27th, unless the department needs the letter immediately.
Anyway. So that is what happened this weekend, and what shall happen soon. Because my parents know now, I can breathe, and I no longer feel the need to ignore the telephone. Though right now I am ignoring the telephone, as my mother has been calling me every fifteen minutes for the last two hours. :| Ugh. MOM. STOPPIT. I'll phone you after I'm done making supper, goddamnit.
... I shall go do that now. Yes.
Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 12:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 01:09 am (UTC)Well, from what I know about mental illness, the kind of stress load that college is can often bring about the "switch" between a dormant and active illness. I'm sure your psych has told you as much. Just relax, it's not at all your fault. *hug*
I'm glad you're getting stuff sorted out, though. Just keep doing things, that's probably the best thing for you now.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 07:28 pm (UTC)I DO PLAN TO KEEP DOING THINGS. 8D It shall be excellent.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 02:03 am (UTC)I'm glad you're taking control in some manner, and that your parents know. As overbearing as they are, it's better than hiding from them indefinitely.
I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way, and hope the rest of your summer is a bit easier on you. Good for you for not giving up all together.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 02:41 am (UTC)*HUG* Good luck. ♥
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 06:36 pm (UTC)*squeeze*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 01:35 pm (UTC)Good luck with your academics and good luck with your two-week trip back home!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 04:09 pm (UTC)On another note, you've just reminded me I'd been meaning to read The Voyage of the Beagle since primary school. *runs off to bookstore*
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 06:38 pm (UTC)AHA. Yes yes, go read iiiiit~ I haven't started yet, but it looks so good, and this particular volume is just so lovely.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 07:47 pm (UTC)Here, have an anecdote.
It's an odd day in 5th grade when, thinking no one in the class knows of J.J. Audubon, I went as Charles Darwin instead for "dress-up as your role model day". It's even more awkward when I realize:
1) I'm the only one cross-dressing (with an old-man beard, no less)
2) Other than that one Cleopatra, everyone else is dressed as athletes (football, basketball, baseball, tennis, ice skating, etc.)
3) About half of the class come from families that don't believe in the theory of evolution for religious reasons.
4) I'm nine-years old and already thinking that the public education system has failed these kids who still don't know about Darwin.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 07:57 pm (UTC)What
... I don't know whether to laugh or cry, dude.
no subject
Date: 2009-07-07 08:13 pm (UTC)It's technically possible to do both at once, if you feel like it. ಥ∀ಥ
Editing Medieval Texts
Date: 2009-07-07 07:03 pm (UTC)Re: Editing Medieval Texts
Date: 2009-07-07 07:29 pm (UTC)Re: Editing Medieval Texts
Date: 2009-07-07 07:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-08 01:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-07-08 02:52 am (UTC)You have all my support if you're going to seek doing something to make your situation better <3
no subject
Date: 2009-07-08 02:23 am (UTC)I'm so glad for you that you could get all that sorted out! That must be a load of stress off your back. I hope that you have a good and not stressful time back in Mac and that you feel rested when you return!
no subject
Date: 2009-07-08 02:45 am (UTC)Thanks for the kind words. <3 I have a feeling things will go well.