I'm very familiar with the "wishing I didn't exist" thoughts. For me they have been constant for so long that now they're just mundane and completely accepted. I'm like "ok brain, that time will surely come, we can wait for now".
Also, this is gonna come off wrong but I'm saying it anyway: how is it not safe to go to therapy? I assume it's because of your parents? Can't you lie and say you're attending a reading club or someshit? And even assuming they find out, what are they going to do, at worst? Kick you out? Is that really a bigger risk than continuing to drag yourself through daily life with insufficient energy and coping tools to achieve your goals? You're in deep shit either way, up to you to pick the flavor. (real question, you're the judge of that). But I'm getting the feeling that you're overestimating the power your parents have over you. You're 30, ferchrissake. You can quite literally tell them to fuck off if they're nasty. WHAT are they going to do? Literally get physical on you? Feel free to call the police in that case.
Hugs either way, and sorry for getting a bit brutal there, but I felt it might be useful. I only do that once in a blue moon, IF that, so no worries about more of that. I just wish you didn't give those idiots you live with more power than they really have.
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Yuu. Fic writer & book lover. M/Canada.
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Date: 2017-02-24 11:57 am (UTC)Also, this is gonna come off wrong but I'm saying it anyway: how is it not safe to go to therapy? I assume it's because of your parents? Can't you lie and say you're attending a reading club or someshit? And even assuming they find out, what are they going to do, at worst? Kick you out? Is that really a bigger risk than continuing to drag yourself through daily life with insufficient energy and coping tools to achieve your goals? You're in deep shit either way, up to you to pick the flavor. (real question, you're the judge of that). But I'm getting the feeling that you're overestimating the power your parents have over you. You're 30, ferchrissake. You can quite literally tell them to fuck off if they're nasty. WHAT are they going to do? Literally get physical on you? Feel free to call the police in that case.
Hugs either way, and sorry for getting a bit brutal there, but I felt it might be useful. I only do that once in a blue moon, IF that, so no worries about more of that. I just wish you didn't give those idiots you live with more power than they really have.
-LK