yuuago | (no subject)

I'm so frustrated.

I hate that I have to do all of this on my own. Especially since I know that there are people who would help me, but they live too far away. I need to help myself, but right now it seems like an almost impossible task.

And I can't ask my brother for help because it would get back to my parents somehow.

The vague desire to die has been running through my head near-constantly for weeks now. To be clear, I don't want to off myself, I just want to not exist. (Even better would be to retroactively have never existed.) And this is pretty typical for me, but it's usually an intrusive thought that pops up infrequently enough that I can just ignore it. Lately, though, it's been constantly present and I'm just so sick of it.

I would probably benefit from therapy, but it isn't safe for me to go to a therapist right now. It's one of the things on the super-long list of "stuff I can finally safely do after I move out". But I'm nowhere near close to being able to do that.

I'm just sick of absolutely everything.

[edit] I did some night driving practice tonight, and I feel a little better now. Everything still sucks, but at least I'm making an attempt toward my goal. That's better than nothing.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Your reaction is exactly mine in such a case ;) I always fear to annoy the others and mostly never ask for help when I really need some... while knowing that sometimes, just chatting a few minutes with someone can change everything. So, don't hesitate :) If I can help, even if it's only listening, I'll do it.

Mélusine

AHA, at least you understand. <3 Well, I'll keep that in mind.